A child from Rochdale has concluded that life is meaningless and that everything dies during a visit to York with his parents during the Easter holidays.

Sam Smith, 12, from Rochdale was taken to York for an action packed day of looking at old stuff with his parents when he came to recognise the futility of existence.

“I was in the queue for the Jorvik Viking Centre when I realised that there really is no point to anything, life is meaningless, God is dead and that existence is a cruel cosmic joke.”

“I started to suspect that I was here to suffer and that life is pain after spending three hours in York Minster with my mum. The queue to the Viking Centre has not disabused me of that fact.”

“I thought life was merely dull after two hours at the Railway Museum but ten minutes of looking at dirty looking Viking mannequins really drilled home the futility of consciousness and that sentience is wasted on the sentient.”

Sam will be visiting Chester Zoo with his parents next week to reflect on the idea that reality is captivity and that freedom is an illusion.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.