A dutiful family dog has very helpfully informed a sleeping baby that there is somebody at the door.

The seven year old Cocker Spaniel made the announcement at about 8pm this evening shortly after his owners, new parents Barbara and Steve Dickinson, had sat down for their first hot meal in three weeks.

Dog Geoffrey Dickinson said: “I can confirm that there was somebody at the front door, in case you hadn’t noticed. I think he was delivering something.”

“It’s a bit weird that he was knocking so quietly. It’s almost like he didn’t want to be heard. If I hadn’t been here only the humans who were awake downstairs would have heard him.”

“The little sleeping human upstairs would definitely not have heard that chap at the front door if it hadn’t been for me. If you want to wake everybody up you either need to knock or shout really loudly. How these humans have been alive this long without learning that I have no idea.”

“It’s really odd. For the last four months everybody who has come to the house has knocked almost silently. I mean really, really quietly and humans are pretty rubbish at hearing stuff at the best of times.”

“Luckily for Steve I never sleep and my hearing is awesome. My hearing is almost as good as my sense of smell and I can smell if somebody is thinking about knocking on the door at the bottom of the street.”

Steve Dickinson said: “Bloody dog.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.