Christmas is coming, the POTUS is getting fat. Please to put a penny in the old man’s retirement fund.

Following the latest Trumptastrophy in Alabama, The White House have announced that there are only two FBI Directors left until Christmas.

In an effort to deflect from the dismal loss in the Senate election for homophobic, kiddie-loving Republican, Judge Roy Moore, the White House will reportedly be dismissing at least two FBI Directors over the festive period.

A source close to Vladimir Putin has told The Rochdale Herald that he will be available for interviews in Vladivostok as usual this weekend.

More on this as it unfolds.

Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"