Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

The case was brought by Lord Chilcott after the enquiry proved conclusively that the physicist and former D:Ream keyboard player was directly responsible for the election of Tony Blair in 1997, the subsequent deaths of 1 million Iraqis and the murder of UN weapons inspector Dr David Kelly.

“It’s no laughing matter.” A spokesman for a spokesman for Lord Chilcott didn’t tell The Herald because nobody is ever facing justice for the second Iraq war.

“You can’t go around letting politicians use your second rate pop songs to get elected. Particularly if they’re going to sex up intelligence to drag us into illegal wars in the Middle East.”

The floppy haired physicist was arrested by armed policemen and representatives from The UN at his compound in Djibouti on Friday.

“Cox has been evading justice for crimes against both music and humanity for almost 20 years.

If we can’t pin this on Blair then Brian Cox and Peter Cunnah will have to do.”

The case is expected to be dismissed as nobody is willing to listen to the evidence.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.