Man puts bins out
Reports are emerging that a man in Rochdale has put his bins out.
Stephen Dickinson of Fazzakerley Drive has put his green bin out on the kerb early to maximize social distancing.
"It was the highlight...
Nothing says f*** you to a neighbour like a Leilandii hedge
Scientists at Rochdale College have discovered that nothing gets the message that you hate them across to your neighbour's more than a Leilandii hedge.
Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We looked at various means that...
Couple spend entire evening on Netflix before deciding what film to watch at 1am
Johnny and Mary (not real names) are just your average suburban dwelling couple who work hard on the weekdays and like to relax in front of the telly watching a nice film.
Sounds all...
Wankers now the majority of the public, scientists conclude.
A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers.
Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us "We have proven that 11 out of 20 people you...
‘Research confirms Coffee holds key to immortality’
There was good news for caffeine drinkers, addicts & nervous twitchers throughout the multiverse today, as stunning new research sensationally revealed that coffee holds the key to everlasting life.
The benefits of coffee have long...
Trump to produce new range of fragrances
Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes.
The first daughter said "This new range reflects the important things in my father's life and reflect his...
Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin
International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day manchild
Despite introducing blade, after blade, after blade, the company has...
Man bored of virtue-signalling monthly initiatives launches ‘Punch In The Facepril’
A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your 'Ocsober'; 'Mowvember' and 'Veganuary' has decided to punch you all in the face during April.
"It's probably the most therapeutic thing possible."...
Man considering buying his wife lingerie for Christmas almost certainly shouldn’t.
Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not.
"For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon things that no woman who already has a bloke would...
Dry January downgraded to reduced drinking January
A Rochdale man has told us how he has revised plans to do dry January and will now be doing reduced drinking January instead.
Bill Board spent New Years Eve loudly telling friends and family...
Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...
French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan.
'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter from Toulon, through swollen lips that closely resemble a haemorrhoid...
Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas
A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas.
Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was 12 and think it's a great idea for kids to...
Brainless moron shaves 30 seconds off his drive home by doing 70 through the...
One dickhead has been telling the Herald about how he has found a way to shave 30 seconds off the time it takes him to drive home.
Brainless moron Ted Skeat said, "I first realised...
“Family friendly” pubs to ban single men at weekends
Pubs that describe themselves as family friendly say they intend to ban single men from their premises at weekends.
Parent Cindy "Everyone's a pedo" Maguire said, "Last week we went to the pub with the...
