Today the government announced that plans to change to the state pension retirement age to 68 will take effect in 2037, 7 years earlier than initially planned.
The changes were due to take effect for all those under the age of 38, but due to the changes 6 million working adults aged between 38 and 47 will also find themselves having to work longer and pay in more before retiring.
“I have to work another year full time before I can take back money that I have paid in for the last 20 years; funny how they never mentioned this in the election run up. I simply feel sorry for my son, the poor sod was born this side of the millennium, he’ll be working until the next one at this rate.” said Tom Gordon of Norden.
Tom’s son, Jonathan Gordon, 17, said “I’ve just started my working life and plan to work hard like my parents, I also already have a dream of retiring and cruising the world like my grandparents who worked hard all their lives. It’s no good if the government keep pushing working retirement age to the point my pension will do little more than pay for my nursing home or palliative care and my funeral.”
A spokesman from the Department of Work and Pensions who forgot to turn off his microphone after the offical announcement, was overheard to say,
“The government has made this decision to save money and put the squeeze on the plebs, plain and simple. We said it was to ensure quality of life for all pensioners, but that’s bollocks. We looked at the figures and we reckon we’ll save having to pay back a good few hundred million thanks to levels of heart disease and stress related illnesses wiping out an overworked aged population.”
He continued speaking despite an aide signalling his microphone was still on “only poor people have to rely on the state pension anyway, so no one important will be adversely affected. Life expectancy is on the rise, despite our best efforts through austerity, so with all the other plans we have to push the threshold age we’ll have Little Timmy stocking shelves right up till the point his withered arthritic bones snap under the weight of the cans of peas he’s trying to lift in order to stock the shelves at Poundland.
“Let’s face it, the only work options for the decrepit elderly will be employment on minimum wage at bargain stores or freezing to death in their mouldy council flats.”
