A mother is so desperate to stop voting for the Conservatives she has chained herself up in her room to prevent access to a polling booth.
Over the past 11 days, Katie has attached herself to a lengthy chain in her bedroom. She has taken the supervised, albeit extreme, action whilst maintaining access to food and bathroom facilities. The 34 year-old has been a lifelong Tory voter, but a recent snap election was the catalyst for trying to kick the habit for good.
“I have gone so far as to wonder about what would happen if I was put in intensive care for a week, and had to pay for it. Or drop me off somewhere up North with just some tinned food and water and make me walk back, “ she laughed.
“So I was thinking of worse methods, but I’ve come to the conclusion that a chain around the ankle so I can’t get to the letter box or polling station wouldn’t go astray.”
Katie has previously tried the Quitline and went cold turkey, but the side effects of national newspaper headlines were too overwhelming.
“It’s the way I treat people when I want to quit, that’s what makes me want to put an X back in that box. I imagine what if there were no homeless people to make me feel better about my own life, and before I realise what I’m doing, I’ve kicked someone’s dog in the park. I mean that’s not on, so I go back online and share an attack ad and it just calms me down.”
“This isn’t something you’re taught about in education. You’re taught about the effects on your voice, the nose discoloration, the obsession with house prices. But not the rising rage and hatred for your fellow man that can only be relieved if you just taste that sweet sweet vote again. I’ll tell you right now, if people come near me on polling day, I’ll probably go at them like their human rights have already been suspended.”
Over the past 11 days, Katie admitted to having one question about a willingness to nuke the heck out of someone, when she was off the chain and in a Question Time audience, and a couple of strongly worded tweets. Regardless, it has been longest period in her life without being Tory, and she is determined to continue her extreme regime for at least another couple of days.
“I’m hoping in the next couple of weeks that I learn to desensitise myself against people who right now I think are morons. I suppose they have rights too, but they annoy me so much right now. There’s no nice way to get off this Ferris wheel. I understand there are people who legitimately can’t quit. I hate everyone and this chain is the only way.”
It is thought that regular Conservative voting creates extra right wing receptors which have to be fed. The Herald’s scientific advisers say “Don’t give them a facebook debate when they ask, and don’t question that meme with cherry-picked statistics. Just find a safe way to get them on their own, away from visible foxes, and allow them to calm down.”
“When I’m off the Tories for a couple of weeks, I’m told that I should be happier,” Katie said. “I’m looking forward to feeling real feelings again.”
Katie asked for her surname not to be published online.
