Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company has launched the range as part of its Sin Free initiative and says parting fatties from their money is an essential part of their dieting program.
“The less money you have the less money you can spend on food. That’s why the Fat Fighters brand is so effective.” Fat Fighters consultant Hayley Straddles-Richard told The Herald.”Gold leaf coated food is a brilliant option for people who have more money than sense and are carrying a few extra pounds, both on their hips and in their wallets.”
The company, which is famous for its Sin system, whereby members are only allowed a set number of Sins each day, hopes this initiative will pave the way forward towards a new standard of dieting.
“The trick is to convince people that they aren’t eating calories but are eating Sin’s. That way you can sell them literally anything at a huge mark up! We make more money, they have less money, they can buy less food. It’s a virtuous circle!”
Supermarkets are already rubbing their hands. Supermarket manager Winston Sallis said:
“This is great. See this melon. This is identical to that melon over there except it’s gold leaf on it and says Slimming World on the sticker. There are no Sins with this one. There are 10,000 Sins with that one. This melon has a 90p mark-up and slimmers will buy six of them. That is why I’m going to Cape Verde on holiday this year.”
Not everyone is happy about the move. Some have pointed out that gold leaf will be expensive. But Hayley Straddles-Richard said “Fat Fighters is an affordable way to lose weight. Our slimmers notice the 20% increase in weekly food bills and start eating less. Gold leaf will only aide this. If you ask me it’s the fatties who aren’t committed to losing weight that say this will be too expensive. They’re a disgrace to Fat Fighters and should be executed.”
Time will tell if the new products are successful but supermarkets are already reporting record profits for June.
