With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown into chaos.
Mandarins up and down the country have been recalled to London after Lord Chilcot himself left the only copy of the longest handwritten document in history on the N47 bus to Deptford.
The Chilcot Report which has cost £9M, 17,000 Bic Biros and the lives of at least six civil servants began as a public enquiry into the Iraq War in 2009 but has quietly evolved into what some elite speed readers are describing as “The Everest of Literature”.
Running to 7 million pages of prosaic jargon the report documents every move and decision taken by every civil servant and politician running up to the second Iraq war including details of what biscuits were selected for cabinet meetings and why. The appendix alone would take three Olympic speed readers three weeks to read working in shifts.
Middle East “Peace” Envoy Tony Blair, who is thought to feature prominently in the chapter about religious fanaticism, war crimes and international terrorism, was said to be “rethinking his holiday plans for July” at the news that the only copy of the report was missing.
Lord Chilcot was unavailable for comment at time of writing though he is said to be jubilant that TFL lost property services have found his umbrella though disappointed that the report is yet to turn up.
