Science and Technology

With the ordeal of four years of President Trump looming over the horizon millions of Americans have applied to be cryogenically frozen for his term in office. “I think it's the only way I’m going to get...

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society. Establishment figureheads...

Scientists have devised a new unit to measure inactivity that they're calling the Corbyn. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "We've been trying for some time to come up with a measure of...

Ancient search engine and former email provider, Yahoo, has admitted that 1 billion of its users security has been breached. Yahoo, which was once a multi billion dollar blue chip company is now run by...

The wheel, the lightbulb, combustion engine, space travel, and the internet all pale in comparison to pre-sliced bread according to public opinion. "I created the world wide web for fucks sake... The single most important step...

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of Charles Darwin on a piece of toast yesterday morning. Dawkins...

Hypochondriacs around the UK were said to be giddy with the excitement at the prospect of a new NHS website that will encourage them to diagnose themselves using their smartphones. Barbara Dickinson of Rochdale said; "I've...

Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear weapons system may be redirected to Niantic, the company behind...

Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire. According to the prominent YouTuber Hope L'Scase, long-term exposure to massive...

Donald Trump has today given a speech suggesting that it's the 50th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln walking on Mars. A spokesman for POTATUS said, "POTATUS meant to mark 50 years since Neil Armstrong walked...

A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that they believed the woman had died sometime over the weekend. Forensic scientist...

There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of brilliant physicist Stephen Hawking. The traffic was particularly dreadful around junction...

Scientists working at Rochdale university announced Monday that they have proved the existence of supermassive black hole at the heart of the Conservative Party. "Imagine a singularity of such intense greed and self interest that...

Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the past". The Rochdale Herald has this to say: 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011...

A leading group of scientists in the field of climate change and politicians from all over the globe on both the left and the right of the political spectrum have united to give this...

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber attack, is apparently still using analogue equipment, the Rochdale Herald...