Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

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A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump's gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and...

Cricketers auctioned off to fund the NHS.

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Protesters have accused Westminster of 'human trafficking' to fund the NHS. The government has moved quickly to deny accusations that they are selling off Britain's rich natural resources to fund the NHS after it was...

Irony pronounced dead after UKIP spokesman warns Corbyn Government would ‘take Britain back to...

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Experts have announced that irony is dead. The announcement came after a UKIP MEP said that Britain would be plunged back to the early 1900's should Jeremy Corbyn be elected Prime Minister. A spokesman for...

Parliament summoned for cross party reshuffle

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An emergency cross party parliamentary meeting has been organised for 1:00pm today to try and resolve our broken political system. With the Tories fighting each other over Europe, Labour fighting about their leader, the Lib...

Woman killed by drinking mineral water 15 minutes older than best before date

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A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that they believed the woman had died sometime over the weekend. Forensic scientist...

Nigerian Prince perplexed no one wants free money

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Prince Terry Ojukwu III, of Nigeria, recently ran into financial difficulties when his bank fell into administration, leaving him just 24 hours to withdraw his money. However, because of the vast sum in his account,...

Interflora agent admits to killing Lady Di in deathbed confession shock

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Alleged deathbed confession implicates both floral delivery service and royal family in assassination plot In a shock announcement that has been doing the rounds on shonky, discredited fake news outlets for some time now, retired...

BBC’s Sooty and Sweep Caught “off-air” in Soo Scandal

The ongoing horror of the BBC's handling of the Soo the Panda sexing-up scandal took another dramatic twist last night as footage emerged of TV Stars Sooty & Sweep making off-air comments about their...

Jason Manford Kicks Aid Worker from Wall

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In a move that is sure to delight anti-refugee groups throughout the country, the once amusing Northern 'comedian', Jason Manford shockingly kicked an aid worker from a wall today. The incident happened when Herald journalist,...

Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition

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The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought in by the medical watchdog, MHRA, mean Viagra can now...

Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police

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South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over comments he made about Liverpool, in The Sun, on the...

Corbyn delighted to hear of Monarch’s collapse

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Jeremy Corbyn gleefully whistled whilst spreading marmalade across his toast this morning, as a result of Monarch airline going bust, according to his neighbour. Burt Monroe, long time neighbour of the staunch republican and PM...

Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

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The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently claiming out of work benefits moved into special 'career houses'...

STD’s seek Brexit freedom of movement assurances

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Several prominent sexually-transmitted infections have today sought assurances from the Government that Brexit will not have a negative impact on their European transmission rates.  In an open letter to MPs, the disease organisms expressed concerns that restrictions...

Police concern as Derbyshire sees record levels of panic hiking

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Police have appealed to members of the public to exert self restraint as hordes of bored walkers descended on Britain's highways and byways and quickly stripped secluded areas of walks. The phenomenon has been dubbed...

Piers Morgan behaves like a d**k on Twitter, again

Piers Morgan has taken to Twitter to characteristically behave like an utter tit today. Morgan, whose only physical accomplishment of note was to fall off a Segway and break two ribs shortly after saying "you'd...
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