National News

As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.  The American actress has been nominated by the Academy for her...

Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost after yesterday's earthquake. Whilst scanning for random bits of crap...

A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes Tommy Robinson's Mohammed's Koran, Mein Kampf, Nietzsche. Heidegger and rather...

The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as currency after the apocalypse. “It's just a precautionary measure. There is...

According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A Daily Express staff witness said: "Liz was forced to tap...

Arron Banks from Leave.EU has today clarified that he didn't finance the vote leave campaign that the Electoral Commission has found guilty of overspending during the EU referendum campaign. He is actually being investigated...

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars. 8 year old Freedom Snowphish said, "Last year they got me a carob calendar. It was...

The Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has absolutely clarified Labour's position on the EU today in a really important speech in Coventry. He told the press that if he lives long enough to see another General...

The whole of the UK has united behind the Home Secretary's decision to deport anybody who squeezes the teabag before removing it from the mug. People who squeeze teabags have been recognised as a threat...

A Rochdale man has told of his shock at discovering that some members of the British Army hold extreme right wing views. Cal Low, who fought at Arnhem despite being 2 years old at the...

If there is a god then 2016 is his version of an April fools day prank. Long gone are the days of plagues of locusts and floods, he's bored of that and now so...

A new advertising campaign for Carling beer will allegedly feature Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home. The campaign has come in for criticism from an advertising agency who wanted to use Rooney to advertise...

In a stunning feat of memory and dazzling competence a husband from Rochdale has managed to put the right bin out on the right day. According to reports Steve Dickinson, 42 and a half, put...

The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV show, Breaking Bad is a front for a money laundering...

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Theresa May, has announced that she didn't want to go to the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle anyway. The announcement came...

UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to prove that he was present at the Hillsborough disaster in...