National News

A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his legs in the bath twice a week and has an...

Homeless reduction is the latest resounding success for Britain's most popular female Prime Minister ever. The May Government has shown that not only may it govern, it shall govern, with a phenomenal achievement in tackling...

“Of course Jeremy needs a shower for his office. He’s in it right now as a matter of fact. Every time he opens his mouth, he spews out so much utter bullshit that it gets all over him and he has to get cleaned up.”

Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...

Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones wasn't coping very well after the collapse of his rocky...

A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool. Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather biker jacket from Superdry is supposed to make him look...

Looking outside this morning millions of British citizens were confronted by an unusually shade of overcast and the sun glowing a curious red. Researchers from the Met Office say the unique colour was likely caused...

The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will only do it if we force him to. Harry, surprisingly red...

Fox News has accused the LA Police Department of institutional racism after a black cop shot a mentally unstable white veteran on the steps of the Nakotomi Tower on Christmas Morning. According to reports on...

Prince Charles is believed to be privately urging the Queen to visit 

Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s club on Tuesday afternoon showing a PowerPoint presentation to a...

The polls that are currently condemning Jeremy Corbyn to fail once predicted success for the socially inept, humanoid shaped play doh figure, Ed Millibland.  It's not the first time the polls have been wrong and...

Passengers from both sides of the Pennines travelling on a train between Manchester and Leeds are united in agreement that a young, overly keen recruitment consultant on the phone sounds like a bit of...

The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday. An insider told us, "She does it every year. And every year everyone is expected...

The Home Secretary Elmer Fudd has resigned, Downing Street has said. Mr Fudd, was due to make a Commons Statement on Monday about the Windrush scandal, but has instead chosen to remain "vewy, vewy quiet"...

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars. 8 year old Freedom Snowphish said, "Last year they got me a carob calendar. It was...