National News

Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war memorials, cenotaphs, religious services and shopping centres throughout the country. Not...

Roy Clark, a 56 year old kitchen fitter from Castleton was amazed to discover that his application for Agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service had been accepted. "I couldn't believe it" said Mr. Clarke. "My...

Friends of David Cameron have sprung to his defence today after accusations that his Exit Honours list is an example of cronyism. "Clearly this is nonsense, and just sour grapes, " said Sir Digby McNugget,...

The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just blatant paranoia," said Lord Jerry Mandarin MBE, OBE, "It just...

Racists reacted with predictable denial today when faced with the reality that the punishments they frequently recommend for those seeking asylum, immigrants and generally anyone with more than a two day sun-tan are identical...

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday afternoon. Gemima Atkinson, 3 and a bit, was at home...

Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.

Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will be invested in ending it. The PM, who demanded that police...

A Rochdale woman has been telling the Herald how she has had the same can opener for 51 years this year. Bernadette Gottelieb told us, "I bought it in 1967. I'd saved up 4000 green...

It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and TV adaptions. But for Theresa May it has a fatal...

Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "Britain likes to think...

Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification. "I have agreed with Theresa May that my post will now be called...

It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake Off winner. Knowing full well that Chelsea fans had it...

As the heatwave currently hitting the UK enters its third day water companies across Britain have enforced hose pipe bans once again. Despite months of endless downpours, and one of the wettest winters on record,...

A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort. Ryan Griffiths, known as Beardy to his mates, pulled off the...

Research done by students at Rochdale's Kingsway Park school suggests that parents are bigger liars than politicians. 6th Former Tom Wilkes who was head of the team conducting the research explained the reason for the study. "We...