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Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife confirms she now has 6 more Premier League winner’s medals than...

Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs estate in a huge ceremony in Cardiff. There will be a...
Neymar

‘I moved for new challenges’ says footballer now on three quarters of a million...

Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe's most technically skilled, most competitive national football league to the one-horse procession that is the French First Division....
nuclear

FA launch tactical nuclear strike at semi-final of Women’s Euro 2017

The Football Association has long been implacably opposed to the rise of the women’s game. When it first got popular, the FA acted swiftly and banned it in 1921. However, with the rise of...

Rochdale footballer in record 198p transfer

Rochdale football star, Wayne "Chopper" Gascoigne has been transferred to Accrington Stanley for a record 198p (€1.77) and a box of steak and onion crisps. The move shatters the previous record of 98p set last...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree. The highly-regarded player, often hailed by many as the greatest ever, has, allegedly, dodged payments...
Millwall Fans

Millwall football fans hail Supreme Court with bricks and bottles after Blair no criminal...

Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters and thugs rampaged near the high court in London today. "Bliar,...

Lukaku leaves second best club in Liverpool for second best club in Manchester

Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the 'United surcharge'. Lukaku's agent, Rob Grubber explained "It's coz they's loaded innit? Everyone...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu Lukaku in the story about the players move to Manchester...
Wayne Rooney

Touching scenes as Rooney reunited with hair transplant donor

Footage has been revealed of the touching scenes when Wayne Rooney was reunited with his hair donor. The meeting took place on the rock of Gibraltar after Rooney was touring the rock and had just...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney Returns to Everton because ‘I missed my Nan’

Overweight, red faced, former England captain Wayne Rooney is to leave Manchester United to return to his first club Everton as part of a £90m deal that takes Everton striker Romelu Lukaku to Old...

Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...

John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at Aston Villa. It is believed that Mr Terry, the immortal gant...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time. Mourinho has...

Lib Dems thrilled at prospect of fielding a football team again

Tim Farron says he's over the moon at being able to field a full football team of MP's. Mr Farron told the Herald. "This is great. I knew I was doing well when I got recognised...

Police and HMRC raid Arsenal after silver polish claim on VAT return

More tax scandal has hit the Premier League last night after police swooped on the Arsenal stadium after they tried to claim the VAT back on silver polish. HMRC officials were alerted after after...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just the size" said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale's...

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