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Rochdale, UK

Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet

In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a very messy carpet.  Rochdale Anti-Vaxxer Tarquin O'Flerfer is often in the...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun work on antiviral treatments. Dr Anita Slowdown explained the symptoms: "First...
Boots

Morning-after pill still cheaper than taking kids to Spain during School Holidays insists Boots Chief...

High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money compared to trying to find an affordable family holiday during...

Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception

High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill. The situation has caused outrage among shoppers, who claim that they...

NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy

The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary Tackle said, "Frankly we've never had much luck with homeopathy....

Celebrities reveal best detox is to take money from idiots

Celebrities have allegedly been explaining how the best detox is to take money from idiots. In a statement celebrity food blogger Andrew Coconut Fox said, "The best thing to do is identify a vegetable or...
Refugee Doctor

Cholera stricken Yemenis welcome arrival of western homeopaths

Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the arrival of western homeopaths to Yemen. They will be useful...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying stuff, but you really have to wonder at the sense...
Doctor Who

New Doctor Who to charge for consultations according to Jeremy Hunt

As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale Herald has uncovered evidence of austerity in the licence fee...
Jeremy Corbyn

Daily Express reveal AIDS originally created by Corbyn as anti-Tory bio-weapon

Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA As we all know, the State is an imposition.  Taxes are theft with the...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and the toothpaste caused a shiny, ultra-white light to come from...
Nurses

Stressed nurses sick of sick people

Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average pay, according to the Rochdale Nursing Council.    "Since hospitals have...
nurses

Nurses threaten to go on saving lives if public sector pay cap isn’t removed

Nurses have upped the ante with the Government by sensationally threatening to continue to act in a professional fashion in their ongoing dispute over pay. In a daring game of brinksmanship they are making a...

Women seeking cosmetic surgery to make their genitals look like Michael Gove

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are...
Man Bun

Man buns proven to reduce transmission rates of sexually transmitted diseases

The Rochdale Royal Institute of Sexual Health have released the results of a study demonstrating man buns as a proven way to reduce the infection rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Prof Eyget Laid, who led...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area. Tracy has been a long time 'Anti Vaxxer', meaning that she is strongly against vaccination...

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