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New Carling advert just footage of Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home

A new advertising campaign for Carling beer will allegedly feature Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home. The campaign has come in for criticism from an advertising agency who wanted to use Rooney to advertise...

New BananaPhone for men undersized, unreliable, and turns itself off when you want to...

The new BananaPhone has been launched exclusively at the male market. It has a retractable cover which simply pulls down for ease of use, and a pair of connected devices known as iPlums which...
Rees Mogg

Food bank staff find donation of Rees-Mogg voodoo dolls and pins ‘really rather uplifting’

Volunteers at the Rochdale City Centre Food Bank have described cheering up considerably after someone anonymously donated a large box of voodoo dolls in the shape of Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg. Manager Emma Hubbard told...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has been described as a "monster fatberg" has been spotted in...

Doubling homelessness through reduced spending on welfare is excellent value claim Tories

As the National Audit Office revealed that homelessness of all kinds has doubled over the past 6 years, a Tory spokesman has confirmed that they are very pleased with the results. At a press conference,...
McDonald's

McDonald’s launches monster fatburger

Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease. The limited edition Monster FatburgerR will initially retail in affected parts...

Monster fatberg found in Boris Johnson’s head

A monster fatberg the size of two double decker buses has been found inside the head of rotund foreign secretary Boris Johnson, Trev Panning, head of the GLC's emergency brain surgery unit announced Tuesday. "It's...
Michael Fish

Michael Fish assures Virgin Island residents that “no hurricane on the way”

Famous weather broadcaster Michael Fish has moved to reassure British Virgin Island residents that there isn't going to be another hurricane hitting them. However he did say that whilst there was no hurricane coming “it...
Confused Child

Child confused as to why he can’t just accept his school mates for who...

In a candid interview for the Rochdale Herald, an unnamed child of parents who sincerely believe that their child can somehow be damaged by another child not wearing trousers has told of his confusion...

First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda

A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain. The jet touched down at midday local time, amid scenes chaos and devastation brought...

Virgin customers asked to dig deep for pensioner’s destroyed home

Devastated pensioner Richard Branson, whose home was destroyed by Hurricane Irma, has been overwhelmed by Virgin product customers who have agreed to continue to pay over the odds for second rate services so that...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens

Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK will send £350M a week in relief aid to the...

Boris Johnson promises £350M a week to the recovery of the British Virgin Islands

Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK will send £350M a week in relief aid to the...

Prince Harry condemned for turning up to fancy dress party dressed as Paul Hollywood

The world had thought that William's half-brother and something-or-other in line to the throne's days of causing controversy were over. But today, a new scandal is threatening to envelope the Crown. Shocking pictures have...

Secret owners of 1 million tax dodging companies registered in British Virgin Islands furious...

The secret owners of an estimated one million companies registered in the British Virgin Islands Sunday registered their displeasure at the UK government's slow response to hurricane Irma which last week devastated much of...

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