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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.
Sturgeon May

Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person

Theresa May met children’s entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person. Ostensibly the meeting was to...

Amateur Orthopaedic Surgeon not as good as expert – concedes Brexit voter sick of...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following...

British News Accused of Insensitivity

The news industry in the UK came under fire last night amid accusations of insensitivity at a time of national mourning. While the citizens of...
NewsThump

Scandal as NewsThump admits to making stuff up

A scandal is breaking in the media industry with allegations of editorial impropriety at NewsThump, one of the world’s most trusted online news sources. Trusted by...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...

Rumours are circulating that Boris Johnson was the “brains” behind an attempted coup in...

Our source from Eurasian think tank Ata Matters informed us that the Etonian fop masterminded the attempted takeover after his coup d'etat of the UK...

Leadsom bookies favourite in cabinet deadpool

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her...

Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting

The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to...

Gove on holiday, Erdogan deposed. Coincidence?

Questions are being asked in Downing Street right now about the whereabouts of Michael Gove following his inevitable exit from the cabinet earlier in...

Satirists run out of ink

Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to...

Stereotyping men now a hate crime: Rochdale cracks down on Misandry

Several women were arrested this morning following a verbal altercation outside Rochdale's women's institute.The women who can't be named for legal reasons are being...

Apology

Apologies for the error in this morning's post wherein we referred to the reinstating of 'Hulture Secretary Jeremy Cunt'. This was a typographical error,...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...

Angela Eagle : I am not right!

Labour leadership challenger, Andrea Albatross, has claimed today that her support for austerity, kiddie-melting missiles, cutting benefits and war doesn't mean she's not...

Donald Trump is a profligate dickhead

Donald Trump announced his running mate this morning to cries of "who the fuck is that?" around the world. The answer is some guy from...

Theresa May in dystopian copyright dispute with The Wachowskis

Beneath the noise of scraping chairs, the cries of horror and bemused laughter Theresa May’s office quietly removed the text of a speech outlining...

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