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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

Danczuk in curry house Twitter row

The owners of 'The Asia' curry restaurant in Rochdale this morning were said to be fuming after Simon Danczuk posted photos on Twitter of...

French PM Tells Boris “Freedom of Movement or Nothing” then Shuts Calais

British holidaymakers and Brexit voters on their way to France had the opportunity to learn what the term "French border control" actually means over...

Corbyn removes Labour MP’s Tuck Shop privileges

Corbyn has been slammed by critics in the Parliamentary Labour Party and the Labour NEC after he unexpectedly closed the Labour Party tuck shop...

Scandal as Trump attempts to circumvent physical laws

In his bid to become master of the universe, Donald Trump has postulated a new set of axioms about the physical universe as we...

Fact checkers are nit-picking liberal fascist pinko commies -claim Trump supporters

Doubt is surrounding the Donald Trump presidential bid this week following Donald's bizarre lie riddled rant of an acceptance speech at the Republican Party...

Man who received double hand transplant can’t wait to “trim his hedge”

The first person in the UK ever to have a double hand transplant has told The Rochdale Herald that he can't wait to get...

Twitter Breaks Under Strain of Highly Original Wit

Twitter was forced to set up thousands of new servers today after an Australian car safety campaign released pictures of Graham. Millions of original witsters...

It’s a Global Thing, insists Brexit economist

Rochdale financial expert and three times bankrupt Brexit economist Ivana Sendham-Bach claimed today that the announcement that the UK was about to enter a...

Condoms are a commie liberal plot to give everybody AIDS according to Trump VP

Revelations of comments  made by Donald Trump's running mate, the 'Caucasian Executioner of Indiana', Mike Pence show that Governor Pence might not know how...

Missile strike in Syria; mass outpouring of grief from OneDirection fans

Following the disastrous US missile strike in Syria yesterday which claimed the lives of 57 civilians including 11 children, teenagers and young adults around...

Rochdale RHS Britain in Bloom judges catch a Bellsprout

Members of the RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) were visiting Rochdale this week as part of the judging of the North West in Bloom competition. Each...

Surprise and anger as Boris slips down the ‘worst diplomat ever chart’

There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris...

Chilcott’s Trojan War Report ready in the next few days

Sir John Chilcott has announced his long overdue enquiry into the Trojan War could be ready “within a matter of days”. The report, long overdue...

Americans horrified to learn what the word ‘amendment’ means

As hillbillies, rednecks and evangelical Christian right wing crackpots celebrate the last thrashings of America's hold on reality with the nomination of Pinochet-a-like Donald...

David White follows The Rochdale Herald on Twitter

The editorial team were said to be jubilant at the news this evening that former England, Leeds and Manchester City centre forward David White...

UKIP Apologises For Not Knowing What Obvious Means

UKIP were forced to admit today that big words like "joke" and "obvious" are generally beyond their grasp. The announcement came after a social media...

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