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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.
Hideous Bathroom Suite

Couple decide not to get new bathroom after all

A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided...

Donald Trump Twitter Account wins Nobel Prize for fiction

The American character actor, author and comedian behind the Twitter Account, @realdonaldtrump, has scooped the Nobel Prize award for the best work of fiction...
FBI

There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...

The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power...
Conservative Party

ISIS claim responsibility for Conservative Party Conference

The attackers wrote Boris’s jokes, Theresa May’s speech and arranged for all the letters to fall off the wall behind the Prime Minister during her main conference address in an audacious display of comic timing.
Young Couple

Middle class parents convert to Satanism after local cult school gets glowing Ofsted report

Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it...
Guns for sale

Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says only country with a with mass shootings...

A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wins European Thundercunt of the year award

The Spanish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, was thrilled to learn last night that he has won the coveted European Thundercunt of the Year Award...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named...
Forcados

Bloke paid to piss off bull killed by pissed off bull

A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that...
Red Hat

Angry terrorist given away by distinctive red hat

An angry teenager with the mental age of an eleven year old suspected of international terrorism offences has been arrested because he was wearing...

Child struggling with his job watches a kid with a lawnmower

A child struggling to do his job took time out of his day to watch a kid push a lawn mower at the White House the other day.

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...

London sewer found clogged with dreams of the young after government flushes future down...

Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system...

Paul Hollywood slammed for attending birthday party dressed as Nigel Farage

Great British Bake Off star Paul Hollywood has apologised after being pictured dressed as Nigel Farage at a fancy dress party. The 51-year-old said the...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...

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