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Quentin D Fortesqueue

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.
Forcados

Bloke paid to piss off bull killed by pissed off bull

A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that...
Red Hat

Angry terrorist given away by distinctive red hat

An angry teenager with the mental age of an eleven year old suspected of international terrorism offences has been arrested because he was wearing...

Child struggling with his job watches a kid with a lawnmower

A child struggling to do his job took time out of his day to watch a kid push a lawn mower at the White House the other day.

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...

London sewer found clogged with dreams of the young after government flushes future down...

Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system...

Paul Hollywood slammed for attending birthday party dressed as Nigel Farage

Great British Bake Off star Paul Hollywood has apologised after being pictured dressed as Nigel Farage at a fancy dress party. The 51-year-old said the...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...

Jacob Rees-Mogg is a twat, confirms Jesus

In a rare public outburst Jesus H Christ has taken to social media to call Jacob Rees-Mogg a "complete twat." Speaking from his spaceship's jacuzzi...

Unemployed mother on benefits knocked up AGAIN

It's all over social media that an unemployed mother on state benefits, who already has two kids, is knocked up yet again.
Hurricane

God pisses himself laughing after sending hurricane named for Harvey Milk to wipe most...

God Almighty has reportedly pissed his pants laughing after sending a biblical flood to the most homophobic state in America in response to Donald...

Ugly scenes at Rochdale Waitrose as supplies of Chateau Lafite de Rothschild 2009 run...

There were frantic scenes of violence and looting yesterday morning after Waitrose ran out of the 2009 vintage of the Chateau Lafite de Rothschild. Customers...

World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a...
magistrates court

Rochdale Man jailed for 15 years for leaving teabag in sink

Rochdale man Steve Dickinson (38 and a half) has been convicted to 15 years in prison after being found guilty of leaving his teabag...
Baby

Adolf tops list of most popular baby names for boys in USA in 2017

For the first time in almost fifty years the name Adolf is topping the lists for most popular baby names in the United States...

We did have a Kermit at protest insist violent alt-left anti-Nazi protestors

The anti-Nazi protestors who were in Charlottesville over the weekend have responded furiously to Donald Trump's remarks this morning releasing a statement which read. "We...
Trump Family KKK Photograph

Donald Trump tells world press there were good people at White Supremacist Rally

Donald Trump told a press conference that there were good people amongst the white supremacists and Neo-Nazis at the Charlottesville Unite the Right protest...

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