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HeyMikey

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I once wrestled a bear for money.
Snowman

Aled Jones touched my carrot, claims Snowman

Aled Jones, 46-year-old presenter of Songs Of Praise and former choirboy, was suspended by The BBC today following allegations of 'inappropriate conduct'. The allegations are...

Tom Hanks hospitalized by Trump’s huge cucumber

Hollywood favourite Tom Hanks remains in a medically induced coma tonight, after an altercation with Donald Trump left him with severe injuries. The attack took...

Theresa May secures Scottish support with offer of draught Irn Bru

Taking inspiration from the DUP extorting £1b from an increasingly desperate Theresa May, Nicola Sturgeon has struck her own deal with the Prime Minister.She...

We love you Manchester

Following last night's events at the Manchester Arena, the people of Manchester have reacted in the most beautiful way by coming together to help...

Have you tried turning Trump off and on again…

Technicians were called out this week to reboot Donald Trump, after a catastrophic failure in his programming left him arguing with his own reflection.The...

Dead Kennedys to perform at Trump inauguration

Hard core punk rockers, Dead Kennedys, have agreed to perform at Donald Trump's inauguration after Susan Boyle was forced to cancel.SuBo was due to...

Pope announces he is a catholic, bears shit in woods and priests shouldn’t rape...

Pope Francis has divided the religious community this week, after calling on his Bishops to be a little more churchy, and a touch less rapey. For...

Prince Philip branded ‘Sex Pest’ by High Court

The High Court has this week ruled in favour of Sleeping Beauty, and handed a jail sentence to Prince Philip.Prince Philip began his prison...

New series of Celebrity Big Brother ‘most sacrificial yet’

As the line up for the new series of Celebrity Big Brother is announced, a Channel 5 insider has revealed that the show's producers...

Trump in talks with Skynet for nuclear arms deal

Following a recent tweet in which President Elect Trump spoke of expanding Americas nuclear arsenal, talks have been held between Trump's team and weapons...

America to be ‘100% armed’ by 2017

It has been forecast that every citizen of the United States of America will own at least one semi-automatic weapon by the end of...

This weeks front pages, at a glance

This weeks news, after a glance at the front pages...Ant and Dec secure trade deal with Australia ahead of 'Hard Brexit'. Tesco set to...

Sun Readers outraged 1,500 dogs kept in conditions ‘not fit for refugee children’

Sun readers are up in arms today after 1,500 dogs were found in France being kept in truly atrocious conditions which one reader describes...

Aleppo considered for prestigious Halloween award

Officials have been visiting Aleppo this week, as judging continues of the cities on the shortlist for the much coveted Vincent Price Spirit of...

New evidence proves Jesus was English

Jesus is English? No, not really. That was a test. If you're reading this, you've passed. Well done. If not, this article is about...

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