Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G.

Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, ” Recent research suggests that people wearing masks don’t develop any side effects associated with 5G. Various members of the population have been wandering around in  masks for the last few months. None of these people have reported any adverse events related to 5G.”

Conspiracy theorist Bill Board told us, “5G is being used by the Government to control us. But this research suggests that I should wear a mask to stop the Government using 5G to control me. Should I wear a mask? If everyone wears one then does that mean the Government is using 5G to control me and anyone else wearing one? I’m so conflicted.”

And there’s bad news for the chemtrails industry. One man told us, “I want to wear a mask to protect from chemtrails. I’ve been doing so for years. But now everyone is going to be wearing one does that make me a sheep?”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.