Following the destruction of popular prayer centre Notre Dame Cathedral, the Pope and President Macron jointly announced today that the gothic edifice would be rebuilt without delay, after the Catholic Church and the French government entered a sponsorship deal with a well known airline.

It is thought the renovated cathedral will be called the Emirates Notre Dame and will feature reclining seats and stewardess service including free wine on all services.

“No longer will you be restricted to a quick swallow during communion” said choir master Pierre Deschamps.

To maintain the brand identity, the opening ceremony will be performed by the manager of Arsenal, who is unfortunately not Arsene Wenger any more.