The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit.
Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, “The festival will be a celebration of everything that is great about Brexit Britain. Visitors will be serenaded with the UKIP Calypso. The location is yet to be decided but there should be plenty of car manufacturing plants that will be empty by that point that it can be held in.”
Other attractions will be food related, “It’ll be several years since anyone saw fresh fruit so we think a Banana will be a huge attraction.”

 

Cliff¬†went on, “We’re also planning on having food demonstrations to demonstrate new and exciting Brexit delicacies. Rat may not sound tasty but once you’ve tasted our 50 recipes for it Then you’ll wonder how you ever survived without it.”

There will also be demonstrations of science based medicines that the Government hopes to revive in 2030.”

Other planned attractions include Brexiteers narrating their own accounts of fighting in the Second World War despite them being 2 years old in 1945 and large-scale book burnings. Visitors will also be able to watch the execution for treason of anybody who doesn’t agree with Brexit, stand for the national anthem or doesn’t own at least 75 poppy’s.
There are rumours that visitors will be able to see models of the houses in Europe that Jacob Rees-Mogg and Nigel Farage will be living in. In addition, visitors will also be able to witness footage from the ceremony where Vladimir Putin bestows the Hero of Russia medal of Nigel Farage.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.