Conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg is said to have been left “apoplectic” earlier today after receiving several hundred carrier pigeon messages informing him of the impending changes to data protection legislation.
The MP for North East Somerset is reported to have complained bitterly about the extra strain the spam birds have placed on his dovecot and is believed to have hired a team of marksmen to shoot down any further pigeons that appear to be bearing messages from commercial companies. An industrial cleaning company has also been observed trying to clear away the substantial volume of bird droppings that have accumulated on the roof his country house – the 17th century Gournay Court in West Harptree – which looks like it has been “shat on more times than a disabled person under the current Conservative government”, according to one eye-witness.
“Mr. Rees-Mogg wasn’t that keen to get carrier pigeons in the first place, so you can imagine the choice words he had for the chaos that confronted him this morning,” his head groundsman, Arthur Greenleaf, told our reporter.
“Most of them were in Latin, of course, so we didn’t have the first clue what he was going on about, but we got the general idea.”
Greenleaf told the Herald that it had taken several months to convince Rees-Mogg to install carrier pigeons, which he had described as “new-fangled technology”, having previously asserted that the only way to send a message was by “handing a sealed parchment to a well-heeled gentleman of good-standing, who will thereafter be spirited away by a gallant steed until said document is in the safe-keeping of the intended recipient’s most trusted footman.”
Whilst many members of the public have been left baffled and annoyed by the sheer volume of emails they have received as a result of the new General Data Protection Regulation being enacted into law, those close to Rees-Mogg have claimed that he is particularly angry about the fact that the legislation was drafted by the EU.
“He’s been playing Elgar’s Three Motets, Opus Two, at full volume within his study all day, which he only does when he’s particularly cross, and Nanny had to take his cricket bat off him when she saw him taking a swing at the chrysanthemums outside her bedroom window,” said a source close to the family.
At press time, there are reports that Rees-Mogg has calmed down considerably after spending a couple of hours being comforted by his wet nurse.
