100 BBC stars are to be anally probed as punishment for their historical sex crimes, in what the taxman is calling “Operation Free Lego Toy’


As the value of the pound plummets, Clarkson is forced to sell all of his cars and travel via camel instead. No one cares though, because he’s a bellend.


In power at last, Theresa May casts off her human suit revealing her true feral form, before savagely tearing liberals limb from limb.


It is what it is. Wankers in clown masks think it’s funny to terrorise small children and the elderly. Wankers.


The Daily Mail follows it’s normal hateful form by warning us that Syrian children are gonna get us. And then steal our jobs, probably. And claim our benefits.


As Hurricane Higgins inconveniences America (and also decimates Haiti a little bit), Philip Hammond warns: “Hurricanes are the new normal weather. Wear a warm jumper to work.”


Savers get some good news at last, as they are told that for every £100 they place in a savings account, one member of UKIP will get sparked the fuck out.


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