The western world is in shock today after mainstream western media actually reported on a terrorist attack that didn’t result in the deaths of white people or Christians.

Though no group has officially claimed responsibility for the teenage suicide bomber who took his own life along with 54 others at a Kurdish wedding in Turkey it has been widely speculated to be the work of so called Islamic State.

In an unexpected and quite possibly unprecedented move, several news agencies in the west actually reported the news, despite the fact that the tragedy happened in a muslim country, with all the victims appearing to be muslim.

A source, whom we will call ‘Daily Mail Staff Writer’ as he wishes to remain anonymous, told us earlier: “We’re usually all over terror attacks, but only when they happen in, you know, white countries. Brown people killing other brown people ? That doesn’t exactly sell papers, especially if they’re Muslims.” When asked what was different this time, he added “Well, it’s the kids. Loads of kids died. That’ll shift some papers, even if they’re not Christians.”

The story can be found on the BBC news website, if you look hard enough. It’s under a shit-tonne of pieces on the Olympics and how well we (UK) did, a story about extremists in (UK) prisons, a former (UK) DJ abusing kids, a drug scandal in a (UK) school from the 1960’s, a fluff piece on (UK) ballot papers, a drone captured delivering drugs to a (UK) prison, and a story on a rebel accused of destroying (oh, African, that’s a genuine surprise) shrines.

“Is it really even terrorism though?” asked Sharon Blackheart of Rochdale “I mean, isn’t terrorism only when Muslims kill Christians in places like London and Paris?”

The suicide vest was detonated at the Henna Night, which is a portion of the celebration attended predominantly by women and children.

“Well that does sound like a terroristy kind of thing to do, to target women and children.” vomited  Rochdale  resident Albert Bile “Where did you say it happened again? Turkey? Is that in Asia? Sort of? Oh, it’s right next to Syria? So not in Europe then? And aren’t they all muslims..?”

“It’s not terrorism,” added Liam Ostrich, proprietor of Alif Turkish Grill in Rochdale “How can it be, when I haven’t seen one Facebook profile with a Turkish flag superimposed on it. I wouldn’t even know what the Turkish flag looks like, to be honest…”

The latest figures put the death toll at 54, with 22 of those believed to be children under the age of 14. Everyone here at the Rochdale Herald is deeply saddened at the news, and our thoughts are with all those affected by the devastating terrorist attack.