Thousands of commuters are experiencing slightly better service this morning as staff at the satanic torture show that is Southern Rail have gone on strike.

“I knew my train had been cancelled an hour beforehand, “ Said Mary Harper, “Normally they tell me it’ll be 2 minutes late, then 4 minutes late, then 12 minutes late, then 30 minutes late and THEN cancel it. This is much better.”

The strike lasts for five days. Services are expected to return to diabolical afterwards.

For those in the North:

Southern Rail is exactly what would happen if Northern Rail were running the region instead of a handful of rural services.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.