Questions are being asked in Downing Street right now about the whereabouts of Michael Gove following his inevitable exit from the cabinet earlier in the week.

Famous for being a duplicitous little weasel he was expected to take a brief holiday before returning to his role ignoring constituents and claiming expenses as MP for Surrey Heath.

Sources inside the government have revealed that he is now the President of Turkey. It seems he became bored of not knifing anybody after spending two days poolside at the Ersan Resort and Spa near Bodrum and decided to depose the sitting President, Recep Erdogan, in a bloodless coup.

A lifelong friend of Mr Gove said “If you see the little rat give him a kick from me.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.