Following a god awful week for the Conservative Party’s chief fantastist and matriarch hopeful, Andrea Leadsom conceded that she needed to apologise to Theresa May for remarks she made about motherhood to The Times.

The acclaimed fiction writer and story teller had indicated that she believed she was more qualified to lead the country than Mrs May because she has a “better uterus”, or words to that effect.

Having consulted her spin doctors and publishers she has been advised that it would be best to retract her remarks and according to an anonymous source to;

“Stop telling people what you think you fucking narcissist.”

Calls from the Leadsom camp demanding that Theresa May produce evidence that she is a human have been shelved with an insider conceding;

 “Theresa and Andrea are both human beings, honestly. Seriously they are. Genuinely. Really, genuinely they are both humans.”

Douglas our intern won’t swear to it but thinks he overheard Leadsom’s spokesman mutter “nothing to see here” in the lift on the way to the lobby.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.