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Rochdale, UK

Rochdale Exchange in disabled parking shake up

The Rochdale Exchange shopping centre has announced new plans for disabled parking at their 800 space multi-storey car park, The Rochdale Herald can reveal. "We're all about people being treated equally", said a spokesperson for...

Our Father, who art on Grindr

Scandal has rocked the Catholic Church this week (I know, shocker) after it emerged that trainee priests have been accused of using Grindr, the gay dating and hookup app. Whilst this would be a...

Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting

The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to vote in the forthcoming leadership election. “Obviously if you're willing to...
Theresa May

May: Difference between migrants and refugees is we don’t want either

Theresa May has said that refugees should settle in the first safe country they come to, rather than travel through several countries, and has been roundly applauded by other countries really far away from...

Britain’s first halal food bank to open in Rochdale

News that the UK's first halal food bank is to open in Rochdale this week was greeted enthusiastically by local residents and village elders alike. Visitors to the food bank will have to remove their...

House of Commons Toilets to Close in wake of Fabric Closure

After the closure of the famous London nightclub Fabric by Islington council, due to people taking drugs there, it was announced today that the the toilets in the House of Commons are also to...

Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently claiming out of work benefits moved into special 'career houses'...
Donald Trump

Trump’s American Dream – 25 Million to Leave the Country

Donald J. Trump unveiled a pledge on Thursday to create 25 million jobs over the next decade, but experts are arguing whether they strictly qualify as jobs. In remarks that may stir new consternation abroad,...

Exploding brain blows doctors minds

A local writer is in a serious but stable condition tonight at Rochdale Hospital, after excessive use of puns resulted in his brain exploding. Doctors had previously advised a brain transplant, and he had...

Stranger Things shit declares post millennial generation

Self obsessed cockwomble, Sebastian Tristrum, 14, said "It's crap. I put down my iPhone for a bit and tried to watch it but nothing happens for like ten minutes". The spotty, odious little shit who...

A politician’s ex definitely unbiased source, insist BBC 

To prove they're balanced and fair, the BBC have asked Jeremy Corbyn’s ex wife for her totally independent and unbiased view on the Labour Leadership challenge.  “There's no reason to think that the previous partner...

Flag waving celebration of mythical empire shouldn’t be ruined by cheap politics

The Last Night at the Proms, an event where ex public school toffs wave the Union Flag in celebration of a completely made up version of history, is being hijacked by cheap politics says...

Sun Readers outraged 1,500 dogs kept in conditions ‘not fit for refugee children’

Sun readers are up in arms today after 1,500 dogs were found in France being kept in truly atrocious conditions which one reader describes as "not even fit for refugee children." The dogs, which are...

Apology

We recently ran an article stating that Donald Trump's half brother was recently murdered in Kuala Lumpur by state security forces. It was actually Kim Jong Un's half brother who was murdered in Kuala Lumpur....

Strangers raise over £170,000 to give to anyone

AGoFundMe page was set up yesterday and has already raised over a £170,000 with all proceeds to someone. The page's founder, Simon Collins, said; "I don't care who gets the cash, I honestly don't. I...

GCSE Results Spell Success for Dyslexic Pupils

Students at Maple Hayes Dyslexia Scool in Lichfield have been celebrating incredible GCSE exam success. While many students couldn't read or write when they first attended the school almost 25% achieved A* to C grade...

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