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Rochdale, UK

Exploding brain blows doctors minds

A local writer is in a serious but stable condition tonight at Rochdale Hospital, after excessive use of puns resulted in his brain exploding. Doctors had previously advised a brain transplant, and he had...

Corbyn Sits Down for the Working Class…..Again…..

Spending a football match without a seat, crushed up against other supporters in the stand, or crouched uncomfortably in the gangway is an all-too-absolutely-never-happens experience for many. But when your ground hasn't been completed...

Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof

A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The Rochdale Herald, she can find enough helpers to smash the...

Elderly people left speechless after discovering smart phone can make tea

19 year old student, Gary Downes, showed his Grandad Terance his new Samsung Galaxy S7 last week. "I was showing him all the latest cool features, the new camera, a few apps and the clarity...

Aleppo considered for prestigious Halloween award

Officials have been visiting Aleppo this week, as judging continues of the cities on the shortlist for the much coveted Vincent Price Spirit of Halloween award. The competition, which was started by legend of horror...

Trident finally put on Ebay

The Trident nuclear deterrent was today put up for sale on Ebay by the UK.  It is believed that the nuclear weapon system was bought on impulse when the country was having a mid-century crisis,...

Travel Chaos Hailed as “Complete Success” by French.

French authorities today claimed that their test of the post-Brexit border checks was a complete success, with motorists in Kent delayed for hours and complete gridlock in some areas. The Herald managed to speak to...
Newcastle

Met Office alert after sighting of Geordie woman wearing jacket in Newcastle

The Met Office has issued an almost unprecedented weather warning this evening after it was reported a woman was spotted on a night out in Newcastle city centre wearing a jacket.

ITV 4 cast Nigel Farage in remake of Minder

ITV 4 today confirmed the shock move which will see the return of much loved show Minder and the even greater shock that ex-UKIP leader and MEP Nigel Farage will be cast as the...

Amateur Orthopaedic Surgeon not as good as expert – concedes Brexit voter sick of...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following last months decision to leave the EU by the British...

Government to encourage more online petitions. 

Prime Minister Theresa May has today launched a new initiative which will encourage people concerned with issues affecting them, their communities and the country to start a pointless online petition to bring it to...

Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod

The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.

Former KGB thug Is UKIP leader’s hero

Diane James, former Transvision Vamp singer current UKIP führer, says Vladimir Putin is one of her political heroes.  Speaking on The Sunday Politics, the Dot Cotton look-alike said her political heroes are the man behind...

Southern Rail raise prices by £40 to pay for new Indian style trains to...

Beleaguered train operator Southern Rail has unveiled an ambitious new programme of investment to address overcrowding issues on commuter routes into London. The strike beset operator, which hasn't had a train arrive on time since...

Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting

The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to vote in the forthcoming leadership election. “Obviously if you're willing to...

Farage told get in the sea,  takes it literally

Serial resigner and privately educated millionaire ex banker, Nigel Farage, self proclaimed 'man of the people' was told to "get in the sea" by a passer by after the UKIP conference in Bournemouth yesterday. The...

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