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Rochdale, UK

I wish it could be Brexit everyday

When the pounds begins to fall and economic growth begins to stall It puts a great big smile on a remainer’s face If you dive into despair And want to cover up your head Don't you lock...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.

Donald Trump awarded prestigious Time Magazine Hitler of the Year Award

Donald Trump has been awarded the Time Magazine prestigious Hitler of the Year Award and is said to be "honoured" by the accolade.
Top Secret

Russian-branded Emperor’s new memo wallets causing security concerns

Two mysterious Russian stationery salesmen are coming under scrutiny tonight as memo wallets they supplied to government departments may not be all they are cracked up to be.  An insider at the office for the...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.

Petition to stop The Simpsons writing ‘Katie Hopkins becoming PrimeMinister’ episode reaches 65 million...

Creator of The Simpsons, Matt Groening, announced in an interview last week that he was planning an episode  in which human bile balloon, Katie Hopkins, becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The 'joke' came...

Dalai Lama fury over Louis Smith Buddha is a fat bastard comments

The Dalai Lama is said to be incandescently furious with Louis Smith after he was overheard calling Buddha a "fat fucker". Two time Olympic Pommel Horse runner up, Strictly Come Dancing winner and sore loser...

Elderly people left speechless after discovering smart phone can make tea

19 year old student, Gary Downes, showed his Grandad Terance his new Samsung Galaxy S7 last week. "I was showing him all the latest cool features, the new camera, a few apps and the clarity...

Sun Readers outraged 1,500 dogs kept in conditions ‘not fit for refugee children’

Sun readers are up in arms today after 1,500 dogs were found in France being kept in truly atrocious conditions which one reader describes as "not even fit for refugee children." The dogs, which are...

FIFA poppy row escalates

British football fans have been advised that if they object to FIFA's stance on its national teams wearing poppies on armistice day, then they could stop watching football in protest.  A spokesman for the National...

?Heseltine denies drowning kitten admits to strangling puppy

Lord Sir Michael Heseltine of Sith has dismissed the outrage over his admitting to throttling a dog as "Hippy nonsense!" as animal lovers across the nation show their scorn. "It had some kind of mental...

Man thinks totalitarian measures the best way to honour war dead

A Bridlington man has outlined extreme measures by which people not wearing poppies on Remembrance Sunday should be punished. This includes being subjected to death camps and gas chambers to inform them of the acts...

Wales Seeks Independence as Gareth Bale Doubles Welsh GDP

Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.

Aleppo considered for prestigious Halloween award

Officials have been visiting Aleppo this week, as judging continues of the cities on the shortlist for the much coveted Vincent Price Spirit of Halloween award. The competition, which was started by legend of horror...

Child refugees can stay till after they’ve seen NHS Dentist

Teenage child refugees completing their journey to the UK were breathed a huge sigh of relief after being told they could remain in the UK until they could secure an appointment with an NHS Dentist.

An analysis of the situation regarding the shooting down of MH17

The West: Well, Russia. What do have to say for yourself?  Russia: Vot? I don't know vot you are talking about.  The West: That missile! We investigated and found out it was a Russian missile,...

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