John Inverdale to host ‘Dog Toy or Sex Toy’ at Wimbledon this year
The BBC have announced that John Inverdale will present a dog toy or sextoy game during rain delays at this year's Wimbledon championships.
The move comes amidst concerns that the BBC couldn't screen an impromptu Cliff Richard...
Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia
Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup games.
Fifa announced today that during the World Cup, hosted by Russia, stray...
British man understands American football
A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football.
With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or whatever it's called, is "national sickie day", The Rochdale Herald...
Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp
Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire Norwegian national women's squad has been discovered in a debauched...
God shows that he hates Cristiano Ronaldo and Argentina
God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game.
God or, The Word as he prefers to be known took time from his...
Supermarkets completely free of dickheads right now, for some reason
Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources.
The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits in supermarkets is an almost unheard of phenomenon.
"It's really weird....
Media finally find someone who didn’t already think all professional cyclists were on drugs
Shocking news broke this week that not everyone in the UK considers professional cyclists to be routine drug users.
Other media outlets this week revealed that they had found an adult human being with an...
England team reveal plan to completely disappoint everyone is going smoothly
Gareth Southgate has revealed that his plan to completely disappoint loads of English people is going exactly according to plan.
At a press conference Southgate said, "Expectations for this tournament were so low when we...
Sturgeon Calls for Scots Independence to save British Lions Tour
Nicola Sturgeon has called for IndyRef2 to be brought forward to save the British Lions Tour to New Zealand.
Speaking in the aftermath of Scotland's 61:21 tubbing at the hands of England Ms Sturgeon said;
"It...
“Curling is so boring I needed vodka Red Bulls to stay awake” says banned...
As the Olympic curling competition reaches its 14th straight day, Russian athlete Alexander Krushelnitsky has tested positive for the stimulant RedBull and been banished from the games.
As viewers all over the world struggle...
East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...
East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their bed-next-to-the-door Manager role.
Moyes, who has come to specialise in...
Balding just 2 Gold medals away from on air orgasm
BBC sports anchor and part time Eddie Izzard lookalike Claire Balding is quite literally on the edge of making TV history by being the first sports presenter to reach sexual climax live on air.
Week...
VAR becomes favourite to win Sports Personality of the Year
VAR is now the favourite to win BBC Sports Personality of the Year. It marks a remarkable turnaround in VAR's fortunes after spending the whole of the World Cup being derided by everyone, even...
England ready for Adelaide Ashes Test
Ahead of the second Ashes Test which has just started in Adelaide, England captain Joe Root sought to defuse the simmering tension between the two sides by holding a joint press conference with his...
BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break
Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event of nuclear winter.
Currently, other leagues around Europe have scheduled a...
Wayne Rooney retires from International Football to spend more time with other people’s grandmas
Wayne Rooney has announced that he intends to spend more time with other peoples grandmothers after retiring from international football.
Rooney explained, "I've been all over the world with England. I've eaten kebabs in far...
