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Rochdale, UK

Judd Trump To Change Name By Deed Poll

Snooker player Judd Trump has announced that he is to change his name by deed poll following a series of incidents whereby people saw his surname and associated him with SCROTUS Donald Trump. “It’s been...

Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous local townsperson - Bill Oddie. "Bill has seemed a bit down...
Football

UK Gold secure rights to 1994-1995 Premier League season

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that UK Gold have won the rights to screen the 1994-1995 Premier League season. UK Gold spokesman Terry Gould told the Herald, "This is an exciting development for football fans, UK...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team talk, United manager Jose Mourinho told simpleton, Rooney, "I want...

Muslims Infiltrate Ranks of Top British Sports Teams

Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team.  "It appears the sneaky Islamists are obtaining access to the team by posing as...

Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’

The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill judged drunken Tweets last night. Within them he also stated that victims...
Arsene Wenger

Corbyn hires Arsene Wenger as Labour Manager

It appears that politics will see a tornado of excitement and enthusiasm as Jeremy Corbyn is planning to bring in the current Arsenal manager to boost his election team. Despite the full backing of Arsenal...

Britain’s first Dog Fighting arena to get go ahead in Rochdale

The often misunderstood sport of dog fighting will soon move from the underground scene to a purpose-built two-hundred seat arena in Rochdale. With a perspex surround, much like an ice hockey rink, a licensed...
Mo Farah

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just the size" said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale's...

Transfer News: Surprise deal Rochdale – Man Utd

Transfer News: In a shock late move, minnows Rochdale have thrashed out a deal with giants Manchester United. As this weekend brought an end to the movement of players between clubs, Manchester United have agreed...
Salt and Vinegar crisps

A word in your ear Mr Lineker

I have a suggestion for Gary Lineker Maybe you should stop selling Salt & Vinegar If your boss still works with the devil Then tell them to start using Gary Neville If those twats don't like your tweets Then...

Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold

Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m Olympic final last night. Ambulances services, already stretched to breaking point,...

Russia announce plans for “performance enhanced” Olympics

Russia are set to announce plans to introduce the worlds first "performance enhanced" Olympics, we can reveal. As many around the world will know, Russia have been under immense scrutiny by the International Olympic Committee...
Boxer hitting punchbag

Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club

Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He replied when our entertainment correspondent spoke to Paul earlier this week. The...

Lord Sauron announces IOC leadership bid

In a move heralded as a new, cleaner era for the International Olympics Committee Lord Sauron announced announced his candidacy for the presidency of  the movement during the opening ceremony of the Rio 2016...

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