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Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and enjoy a celestial paradise until the end of time. Until now,...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...
People on bus laughing

Religious fervour hits Rochdale bus passengers

A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.   Stating confidently that “It is, innit?”, a Rochdale resident proceeded to explain to exasperated passengers...

Priests to Discover What Celibacy Really Means – Say Experts

Following the historic announcement by Pope Francis that Priests are to be allowed to marry, experts are saying that Catholic Priests are, for the first time, to discover what Celibacy actually is. And according...

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets. The move comes after revelations that the CIA and GCHQ have hacked into the...

Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way to turn," squealed his High Vicarage. "Peter made his comment...

Paul Nuttall resigns as Archbishop of Canterbury

In a shock move Thursday Paul Nuttall, Member of the European Parliament for North West England EP and leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) has resigned from the post of Archbishop of...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...

Trump to brave Muslim controlled no go area during UK Visit

Despite the advice of Fox News commentator, Steven Emerson, advisors to Donald Trump have said that there is a strong possibility that the so-called President's main rally on his upcoming visit to the UK...
Shouty man

‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law

A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear. We caught up with one of the  participants, Baz 'Smiff', a UKIP...

Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of Charles Darwin on a piece of toast yesterday morning. Dawkins...

Pope announces he is a catholic, bears shit in woods and priests shouldn’t rape...

Pope Francis has divided the religious community this week, after calling on his Bishops to be a little more churchy, and a touch less rapey.  For an institution with a glorious history when it comes to...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage in Turkey when in the early hours of New Year's...

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