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Tim Farron

Labour urge supporters to vote Conservative to keep Liberal Democrats out of Power

The Labour Party general election campaign is said to be in tatters today following the release of the Liberal Democrat's Manifesto in the last few days. "It's a tour de force of groundbreaking electioneering." Dianne...

Lord Voldemort refuses to compare himself to any character in The Conservative Party

Lord Voldemort was visiting Hogwarts School today and was asked whether he was a fan of the Conservative Party by a student during a Q & A session in the Slytherin common room.
Russians

Russians Accuse Corbyn of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

British Russians have reacted angrily to the Labour's Election Manifesto announced by Jeremy Corbyn and accused him of "offending or even humiliating an entire indigenous culture". "His 'Little Red Book' is a disgrace! It's simply...
eraser

Liberal Metropolitan Elite plan to rig election goes awry when Hermes deliver rubbers to...

The Liberal Metropolitan Elite was reeling last night when a delivery of 2 million rubbers was delivered to the wrong address. The Elite were allegedly planning to fix the upcoming UK General Election by inserting agents in...
Corbyn

Labour manifesto to revolutionise politics by getting rid of the Labour party

The Labour Party has revealed a manifesto that will revolutionise British politics by getting rid of the Labour Party. Speaking to the Herald a spokesman said, "This manifesto is aimed at appealing to as few...
Pot to piss in

Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in

In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Crabb Green, said; "This is a fantastic opportunity...

People Telling Me I Shouldn’t Have Told Schoolgirl To F*ck Off Can F*ck Off...

The Conservative MP for Wells, James 'Compost' Heappey got all sweary when visiting the massively overpriced Millfield Academy for Young Toffs and Toffettes.  A Scottish schoolgirl told him that her reasoned political viewpoint was that...
Rastafarian

Liberal Democrats secure vital Rastafarian vote

The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.
Hippies Hippy

Nobody arsed about Green Party Manifesto leak

Last night a draft of Labour's election manifesto was leaked leading to pro Brexit outrage paper, The Daily Mail, drawing comparisons between Labour's proposed policies and 1970's. Daily Mail reader, John Smiff, said; "That terrorist Corbyn wants power...

Corbyn to guarantee himself a seat by emptying trains to 1800s level

Diane Abbott has declared Jeremy Corbyn "statistically the most popular & electable Labour leader ever" after the leaked Labour Manifesto shows that Labour have decided to re-nationalise British Rail. The decision came after Corbyn was...
Corbyn

CPS To Charge Corbyn With Electoral Fraud

Jeremy Corbyn is to be charged with electoral fraud by the CPS following reports that, although clearly unelectable, he has been winning elections since the early 1980's. "It's an open and shut case." An unnamed...
fox cubs

Percentage of foxes voting for Conservatives hits all-time high

A spokesfox for the Confederation of Midland Foxes, who asked to be identified only as Foxy McFoxface said "She might be stark raving bonkers, but at least you know where you stand with Theresa May. I can't...

We either hunt foxes or your children says Theresa May

With the Conservatives promising a return of hunting foxes all over the nation face having to run from a vicious pack of slobbering, howling posh twats on horses and their beagles. It is an unpopular idea, but...

Labour to legalise Liam Fox hunting confirms Jeremy Corbyn

Labour has confirmed a new manifesto pledge today following the announcement by Theresa May to allow a free vote on reversing the 2004 fox hunting ban. "If elected we will release Liam Fox on Dartmoor,...
fox cubs

Corbyn supports hunting with dogs repeal in Government manifesto

Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to support the Conservative Party's promise to repeal the fox hunting ban. This appears to be the result of him mishearing "hunting" and believing they are intent on repealing a ban...

Jeremy Corbyn insists he’ll remain Labour leader even after death

Serial metaphorical and actual seat avoider, and leader of a thousand students ineligible to vote, Jeremy Corbyn, has announced that nothing will stop him ruining the Labour party. In a vibrant PMQ's before the dissolution of Parliament,...

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