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Rochdale, UK

Obviously you should agree with me, it’s 2017 say progressives, obviously

People across the nation are up in arms that other people don’t apparently realise that it’s the current year. “It’s 2017,” said Faye Zbuk-Warrior,” I can’t believe people are still having opinions that differ from...
Stickupthearseitis

Stickupthearseitis

A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections. “I have suffered...
Bashar-al-Assad

Shock poll puts Bashar Assad ahead of May and other UK party leaders

The first opinion poll conducted since Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap general election for June 8th has delivered a shock result. A staggering 56% of the 1,478 people polled by UK polling agency...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...

Tim Farron tells press ‘I can’t wait to be in charge after election’

Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron feels his party is heading for glory, glory hallelujah in the newly called June election, and that he is ready for the challenge of leading humanity to salvation. Speaking to...
Theresa may

Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM

The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is “absolutely not a factor” in her decision to circumvent the...

May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle

Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle ticket in the next week. The surprising decree has been issued...

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck Corbyn tells press conference

Jeremy Corbyn met a press conference today to tell the British public exactly how delighted he is that Theresa May has called a snap general election. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He told the assembled press pack,...
Ballot paper

Labour to campaign for Liberal Democrats in June 8th General Election

Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC. Ms Abbott used one of her last possible outings as a politician of um, importance, to offer the...
Theresa may

Winning a general election easier than taking benefits from orphans says woman who took...

Like the irritating eager new guy at work, dark Sith Lord and unelected PM, Theresa May, announced a snap general election 15 minutes before she was supposed to at 11:00am, pissing everyone right off. Surrounded...

Corbyn tells press conference if you strike me down I will become more powerful...

Following Theresa May's unsurprising announcement of a snap general election, Jeremy Corbyn has made a press statement. Stood in front of a dozen media representatives he said; "We at the Labour party are celebrating this news; half of...

May announces referendum to abolish office of Prime Minister

Theresa May is to hold a referendum on abolishing the office of Prime Minister, following a meeting with Rupert Murdoch, although it is advised the two events are not connected.  "I will be the last...
Theresa May

Maggie May announces snap election

Theresa May, the unelected Prime Minister has called a snap election. “Many of the old racists are likely to die before my five years are up,” a bloke we know is said to have overheard...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...

Trump demands to be “Showered in Gold” during UK visit

  The spokesman explained that, during his visit in October, President Trump will be shown all the normal formalities accorded to a visiting US president. These include a ride up the Mall in the golden state coach with...

Britain First unsure what comes Second

Britain First members were baffled this week when asked the unintentional riddle: “If Britain's first, what’s second?” The question came from Billy Michaels, a seven year old from Rochdale, who politely approached the group during...

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