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Nuttall Calls Fraud On Stoke

Paul Nuttall, UKIP’s caretaker leader, has upset the Westminster apple cart by demanding a recount of votes in the Stoke by election. “I want to check the name on each and every ballot paper cast...

Whitehaven and Cumbria to Leave UK Launch of Cumbria Independence Party CUMFUK

Emboldened by her landslide victory in the Copeland By-Election, new MP Trudy Harrison has announced that she is leaving the Conservative Party to campaign for "a newer, independent Cumbria away from the UK". The new...

Paul Nuttall The First Person In The North-West To Own ‘Never Mind The Bollocks’

Tweed enthusiast, ex-professional footballer and all-round style councillor Paul Nuttall has revealed he was a trend setter even at the earliest age. Nuttall, born on 30 November 1976, said yesterday "I bought 'Never Mind The...

Public unsure what to believe after Nuttall admits ‘Everything I say is a lie’

In another reputation-busting move, Paul Nuttall has stumped logicians and shocked the wider world with the classic Liar's or Epimenides Paradox by saying; "Everything I say is false" The statement came over a few pints at...

Senior Tories Pledge To Eat Less

In response to UNICEF’S report today forecasting child starvation in 2017, senior Tories have pledged to eat less. Peasant. Goose. Equine tartare and literally millions of snails have welcomed the news. David Cameron, puzzling over a...
Paul Nuttall

Nuttall pulls out of Stoke by-election

NHS hating, pathological liar and leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall, has today pulled out of the Stoke by-election after it was revealed that his remaining close personal friends were killed in the Swedish terror attack...

New cold war looms as Trump aspires to make American prostitutes better than Russian...

Concern that America is falling behind Russia in the pay-for-sex industry was allayed last night after President Donald J Trump announced a new ‘hooker race’ with market leaders Russia. “Russian prostitutes have been, in my...

Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House administration. Quentin D. Fortesqueue explained, "The purpose of the Rochdale Herald is...

Trump says IKEA table he ordered arrived ‘pre-blown up’

President Donald J Trump is convinced that ‘something bigly bad’ has gone down in Sweden, after a dining table he ordered from IKEA arrived ‘pre-exploded, all in bits’. The billionaire had ordered the ‘top of...

Walter Mitty announces surprise UKIP Party Leadership Bid

Fictional character Walter Mitty has announced a surprise bid for the leadership of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), challenging current incumbent Paul "I neva sed dat" Nuttall. Mitty, who first appeared in a 1930s...
Theresa may

Theresa May – the facts

Theresa May - the facts She is planning to get Hello magazine to do an exclusive of her luxury life in No 10 2. She owns a talking mirror and can send an entire kingdom...
Paul Nuttall

Bottoms up for Nuttall

In an unprecedented move, UKIP leader and shampoo user of the year 2008, Paul Nuttall, has finally come clean about his much debated past. "Now that my position is looking shaky and that Nigel is...
Boxer hitting punchbag

Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club

Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He replied when our entertainment correspondent spoke to Paul earlier this week. The...

I meant Hindenburg Disaster not Hillsborough Says Nuttall

Paul Nuttall has sought to lay to rest the controversy over his claims to have been present at the Hillsborough disaster, initially by explaining his press officer must have misheard his tales about his...
Tony Blair

Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic

After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy found floating in the Atlantic Ocean. He'd knocked up the...

Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole. “People started to shun me and sometimes even turned their backs on me when I walked into a...

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