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Channel 4 on course to disappear up its own arse

Channel 4 have announced a new meta-programming initiative with which it hopes to exceed the success of the Gogglebox franchise. The new programming will further abstract the viewer from the action under discussion, creating...
Daily Mail Readers

Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...

The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell tower blaze. The 'news source' which has access to files that...

Young people cause cancer Daily Mail warns

The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer. In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths lack of home ownership, lack of interest in house prices...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan caught rummaging through bins looking for the smirk that’s been wiped off...

Voice mail enthusiast and professional shit stirrer, Piers Morgan, has been spotted scouring the bins behind a Lidl in Hammersmith. The toe faced smarm slinger was said to look 'visibly shaken', as he frantically searched...

Katie Hopkins reluctantly buys conventional toilet after running out of platforms to shit from.

Katie Hopkins has been spotted in the bathroom section of Homebase today, after being forced to find a conventional way to dispose of her excrement. Despite several years of various media outlets offering her extravagant...
Kelvin MacKenzie

Kelvin MacKenzie awarded Bafta for portrayal of a journalist

Kelvin MacKenzie was today awarded a BAFTA for his long running portrayal of a Journalist, Editor and TV Executive. Mr MacKenzie began portraying the character at the tender age of 17 before spending 10 years perfecting the...
Kuenssberg

Labour apologise for accidentally not running over Laura Kuenssberg

The Labour Party leadership have taken to social media today to whole heartedly apologise for accidentally running over a BBC Cameraman, Giles Woolerton, this morning.
Corbyn

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU “come hell or high water” if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to say “yes”. When asking their stupid question and cynically leaping on...

BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct

Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters. The shock extinction of what was once a common variety of voter has...

Daily Mail reveal African poverty is a load of old tosh

The Daily Mail today have exclusively revealed that African poverty is rubbish and was invented by Oxfam as a way of making a quick buck. Mail journalist Sandra Hare, said "each year Oxfam raise...
Cat's Eyes

The Sun wins top spot in nationwide industry poll

Following recent scandals involving their journalists, inaccurate reporting and misinforming large sections of the population The Sun newspaper has had some positive feedback from an unlikely source. Cat litter manufacturers have conducted a survey and...
Kuenssberg

Laura Kuenssberg to train North Korean propaganda journalists

Gajja Ileum, a journalist for the Korean Worker's Party, has travelled from Pyongyang to London for a 2 week intensive training course in State Propaganda with the BBC. "It's astonishing how blatantly bias the BBC is. I've...

There’s nothing funny about the Tories moan satirists

Satirists up and down the country are throwing their pens and finger bashing the backspace key in frustration. "It's the bloody Tories" said one writer for the Herald. "It's really hard to make funny jokes...
Kelvin Mackenzie South Yorkshire Police

Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police

South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over comments he made about Liverpool, in The Sun, on the...
Outrage

All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks

All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity. The reason for the multi-party agreed new ruling is simple: “At this stage pretty much anything said...

Study finds 112% of people can’t tell difference between real and fake news

A study by the prestigious department of Idiocy and General Fuckwittery at the World famous Rochdale Community University has revealed that between 111% and 112% of all people who use social media can't tell the difference between real and fake news.

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