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Rochdale, UK

There’s nothing funny about the Tories moan satirists

Satirists up and down the country are throwing their pens and finger bashing the backspace key in frustration. "It's the bloody Tories" said one writer for the Herald. "It's really hard to make funny jokes...
Kelvin Mackenzie South Yorkshire Police

Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police

South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over comments he made about Liverpool, in The Sun, on the...
Outrage

All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks

All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity. The reason for the multi-party agreed new ruling is simple: “At this stage pretty much anything said...

Study finds 112% of people can’t tell difference between real and fake news

A study by the prestigious department of Idiocy and General Fuckwittery at the World famous Rochdale Community University has revealed that between 111% and 112% of all people who use social media can't tell the difference between real and fake news.
Brexiter

Daily Mail reveal United Airlines assault victim once had an overdue library book

It has been revealed today that Dr David Dao, the passenger on a United Airlines flight who was beaten for sitting in a seat he paid for, once returned a library book a month...

OED to introduce new terms for despicable journalism

Following some recent "newspaper" headlines, a source at the Oxford English Dictionary has revealed some new words to be introduced to accurately describe some of the "journalism" being printed in a certain UK tabloid. Lexicography...

Universal Tax Credit not as funny as reductive jokes about benefit cuts complain satirists

The National Union of Terrible Satirists, or NUTS, released a statement today complaining that it's almost impossible to make jokes about Universal Tax Credit because it's too bloody complicated.
Brown Paper Bag

Sun to be sold in paper bag

The Sun newspaper is to be sold with a free brown paper bag from next week, it was revealed on that Twitter thingy today. “From now on you can look at tits and right wing...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of the crucifixion. This will not be a new policy, it says,...

Local Liberal Claims To Only Visit Daily Mail Website For The Tits And Ass

Rochdale liberal Gerard Sutherland has told his wife that he only visits the Daily Mail website for the Z-list 'celebrity' tits and ass, and definitely not for the articles. The Guardian-reading father of two was...
Michael McIntyre

Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future

The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational routines. Deputy Director General Sir Vincent Cost said that, as they...

Man with giant head appears on Ch4’s Grand Designs

A man with an unusually massive head denies he's up his own arse after appearing on channel 4s Grand Designs. The house featured the widest doorway ever seen on a modern structure. Modest businessman Colin...

Barrack’s is at least three times bigger than Donald’s says Melania

Melania Trump has sensationally revealed that Barrack Obama has a really big one, it is at least three times the size of Donald's. "Donald is very sensitive about the fact that Barrack has a much...

Michael Gove announced as editor of Unbelievable Bastard Magazine

Following the news that Gideon "man of the people" Osborne has been appointed editor of The London Evening Standard the publishers of Backstabbers Quarterly and Twatler, Cassius and Brutus Publications, are thrilled to announce...

George Osborne represents the new Standard Londoner

There was surprise throughout the media world today when it was announced that Gideon "George" Osborne, MP for Tatton, would join the London Evening Standard as its new Editor. Querying his lack of any visible qualifications...

Telegraph journalist executes her integrity with call to murder politician

Sane people all over the country were horrified, but largely unsurprised, that right-wing publication the Daily Telegraph had called for a political leader to be unlawfully killed. The offensive, rabble-rousing article was written by...

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