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Rochdale, UK

Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”

Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his hairy chest with his fists and foaming at the mouth...
Woman in curlers

Rochdale Prostitutes Challenge Putin’s Claim ‘Russians are Best’

Deidre McDearie, voted Rochdale's leading lady of the night eight years' running, has challenged President Putin over his claims that Russia's call girls are the best in the world. "I dunno what criteria they're using,...
bottles of water

New Juice Plus rival Juice Minus to include ‘no juice’

It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market that will ease your January blues. New Juice Minus is a...

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...
Salt and Vinegar crisps

A word in your ear Mr Lineker

I have a suggestion for Gary Lineker Maybe you should stop selling Salt & Vinegar If your boss still works with the devil Then tell them to start using Gary Neville If those twats don't like your tweets Then...

Brexit Halloween Threat

Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor value of the pound, they were unable to procure enough...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin! Step 1. Download the following template and...
Beautiful young woman is getting facial chocolate mask at spa. She is lying with closed eyes. The girl is smiling

Rochdale Beautician cautioned in blacking up row

There were furious scenes in Rochdale as a local beautician was arrested on suspicion of racism after "blacking up" unsuspecting customers. Visitors to the day spa were outraged that "this sort of thing" was still...

Crossfitter reprimanded after failing to disclose he does Crossfit to stranger

Heavily trapped shoulders shrugged a sigh of relief today as justice was served to a rogue Crossfitter who failed to tell every single person he ever encountered that he does Crossfit. Steven Night, who lists...

Restaurants that don’t use proper plates just twats, says everyone

The growing trend for eateries to use ridiculous items to serve your food on is now becoming a serious issue as local pottery firm closes its doors for good. "Rochdale Pots & Plates" has been...

Bank Holiday Not Fucking  Long Enough Decide People 

Bank Holidays are not long enough according to a multi-pound survey commissioned by The Rochdale Herald. "It's 2016 for Christ's sake! Normal weekends should be 3 days, I'd work 6 to get 3 off. Bank...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale’s now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws forbidding outfits that cover the head and body, police forced...

Dogged Victory for Campaigners

The city was jubilant this morning after the news that a lengthy battle to grant one of Rochdale's most popular locations the status as the first government sanctioned dogging site in the UK came...

Pet lovers left feline annoyed by introduction of Cat Licenses

Today the government announced the controversial plan to tax all cat owners by making cat licenses mandatory. The move could bring a much needed £89 billion in revenue from single middle aged women alone, with...

Ryan Air and EasyJet Shit Themselves as Government Look Into Banning Alcohol on Flights

Budget airlines are in a state of panic as the government task some Lord to look into the possibility that alcohol could be banned or limited in airports and flights.  "Who in their right...

Stay safe, don’t be brown in the USA – advise Foreign Office

FOC guidelines for travellers to the USA are to be updated following recent events it was announced today. "We do realise that culturally it's very tempting to lie on a beach soaking up the rays...

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