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Brexit Halloween Threat

Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor value of the pound, they were unable to procure enough...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin! Step 1. Download the following template and...
Beautiful young woman is getting facial chocolate mask at spa. She is lying with closed eyes. The girl is smiling

Rochdale Beautician cautioned in blacking up row

There were furious scenes in Rochdale as a local beautician was arrested on suspicion of racism after "blacking up" unsuspecting customers. Visitors to the day spa were outraged that "this sort of thing" was still...

Crossfitter reprimanded after failing to disclose he does Crossfit to stranger

Heavily trapped shoulders shrugged a sigh of relief today as justice was served to a rogue Crossfitter who failed to tell every single person he ever encountered that he does Crossfit. Steven Night, who lists...

Restaurants that don’t use proper plates just twats, says everyone

The growing trend for eateries to use ridiculous items to serve your food on is now becoming a serious issue as local pottery firm closes its doors for good. "Rochdale Pots & Plates" has been...

Bank Holiday Not Fucking  Long Enough Decide People 

Bank Holidays are not long enough according to a multi-pound survey commissioned by The Rochdale Herald. "It's 2016 for Christ's sake! Normal weekends should be 3 days, I'd work 6 to get 3 off. Bank...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale’s now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws forbidding outfits that cover the head and body, police forced...

Dogged Victory for Campaigners

The city was jubilant this morning after the news that a lengthy battle to grant one of Rochdale's most popular locations the status as the first government sanctioned dogging site in the UK came...

Pet lovers left feline annoyed by introduction of Cat Licenses

Today the government announced the controversial plan to tax all cat owners by making cat licenses mandatory. The move could bring a much needed £89 billion in revenue from single middle aged women alone, with...

Ryan Air and EasyJet Shit Themselves as Government Look Into Banning Alcohol on Flights

Budget airlines are in a state of panic as the government task some Lord to look into the possibility that alcohol could be banned or limited in airports and flights.  "Who in their right...

Stay safe, don’t be brown in the USA – advise Foreign Office

FOC guidelines for travellers to the USA are to be updated following recent events it was announced today. "We do realise that culturally it's very tempting to lie on a beach soaking up the rays...

Ryanair in Record Breaking Flight

As its wheels touched down on a runway in France yesterday, a Ryanair flight completed a historic journey from the UK to within 200 miles of its destination in under 40 hours.  Crowds of people...

A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey

The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to it's final stage of evolution The Govegone, an invisible creature...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game as being opposed to the basic tenets of their religion. Facebook...

Activity holidays not holidays – survey finds

A survey carried out by the Herald shows Britons are increasingly of the opinion that lying by a pool in the warm sun and having a range of alcoholic beverages on tap, is by...

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