Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

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Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save the planet. Thunberg appeared on Friday in a brand new Range...
Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn stuns Glastonbury with acapella cover of Prodigy’s Firestarter on Pyramid Stage

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Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn cooly walked out onto the main stage of the popular...

Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael

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Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

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Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”
Cliff Richard

Cliff Richard is absolutely, definitely not a nonce admits BBC

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Rumours are spreading that CLiff Richards, who is not a nonce, is furious today after the BBC suggested that he had racked up unreasonable legal fees in suing the BBC for not ignoring him. The...

Theresa May to headline Latitude Festival

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Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July. In the kind of showbiz spat not seen since the Blur/Oasis feuding days...
Tony Hadley

Fat red faced old man quits boring 80s band

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Shockwaves rang through Tin Pan Alley yesterday with the news that singer Tony Hadley was quitting 80s pop toppers Spandau Ballet. In a cryptic tweet Hadley blamed his departure on "circumstances beyond my control", taken...

Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse announce major UK Tour from end of March

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Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on March 29th. Featuring all four original members, the band released a...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

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Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...
Tommy Robinson

‘Here’s to you Tommy Robinson’ fundraising song campaigns for his release from Twitter jail

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With thanks (and muted apologies) to Simon & Garfunkel But Islam's not a race, they screamed into his brown face And here's to you Tommy Robinson Mohammad loves you more than you will know Whoa,...

Greta Thunberg named Time’s Person of the Year for stopping Coldplay touring

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Greta Thunberg has won Time magazine's Person of the Year for her work in stopping Coldplay from touring. Thunberg said, "All of my life there has been this elephant in the room. Something nobody wants...

Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band

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Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

“One walk a day more than enough” say The Proclaimers

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Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's announcement that the UK is now in a state of national emergency and that citizens are only permitted to leave their homes to exercise once a day, Scottish pop...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

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Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9 to 5’, re-titled ‘8 to 6 on a zero hours...

Greta Thunberg urges politicians to think of the planet they are leaving for Keith...

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Greta Thunberg has urged politicians to consider the planet they are leaving for Keith Richards when making policies that affect the climate. Speaking just before she set sail for Spain Thunberg said, "I am sailing...

Gary Glitter releases Christmas single, In the Brownies

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Gary Glitter is releasing a new single in time for the Christmas number 1 battle. The song, a cover version of "In the Brownies" is Glitter's first new material for 3 decades. A spokesman said, "This...

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