Professor

Department of Education announce Degree in Hindsight to prevent all future tragedies

5
Civil servants and politicians from a wide range of governmental departments are throwing their weight behind a Department of Education proposal to create a highly-specialised degree course in Hindsight. "Everyone knows that after every disaster...

Rochdale discovered to be genius hotspot

0
Online tests have revealed that the majority of Rochdale residents have above genius IQ levels with the town having an average score of 132. The trend is thought to have been first noticed when 17-year-old...

OED announces Word Of The Year

0
The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden Travelodge this afternoon. Twatbasketry, a noun, is defined as 'Pertaining to...

Kindergarten of Common Sense to offer clear path way into School of Hard Knocks,...

0
There was fantastic news for around 52% of the country today, as the famous School of Hard knocks officially announced their brand new subsidiary nursery 'the Kindergarten of Common Sense' will open from 2020. The...
Theresa May

Only a grammar truth in May’s PMQs

0
In this week's PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what's left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa May about her unpopular plans to reintroduce the Grammar school...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

0
Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin! Step 1. Download the following template and...

Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce

0
A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person could imagine. Not wanting to be left behind Rochdale Council jumped...

Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook

0
Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire network to grind to a halt. "Sadly, we had no choice...

Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”

0
Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of the Sutton Coldfield Institute of Bullying told the Herald, "What...
ISIS

Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror

0
In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding changes to schools in England. "Our education policy sub-committee has...

Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal

0
Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function" as a common factor amongst many footballers who, the study...
Book

World book day sparked hate incident

0
An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school dressed in full Waffen SS regalia. We contacted Gareth's father, Mr Trevor...

OUTRAGE as Middle Eastern immigrant cast as Mary in school nativity play

0
A Rochdale primary school has come under fire from parents for casting a 9 year old Palestinian immigrant as the virgin Mary in the school's annual nativity play. Hanna, whose Christian Palestinian family travelled to...

Left wing politics should be kept out of schools, say right wing parents

0
People who are quite happy to have their kids going to schools where the armed forces recruit, monarchy is glorified and the status quo of modern free market capitalism is drummed into their...
Old Graduate

University of Life under investigation as graduates don’t understand basic legal principles

0
The University of Life's School of Law is under investigation today after a study found that 98% of its graduates don't understand the basic principles of the law. Chief Inspector Bill Board told us, "The...

Terror in the skies Part 2

0
The editor of The Rochdale Herald was left horrified aboard a flight to Rhodes yesterday after reading an article in a copy of The Telegraph he "found". "Most undergrads can't tell the difference between Burgundy and...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts