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Rochdale, UK
iPhones

Public stunned to learn injustice happened before everyone could film it on an iPhone...

After a week of violent plane evictions and shows of defiance at protests, Professor of History at Rochdale's Community University, Polly Technic, said; "Injustice has been around as long as mankind, but in recent years every instance...

Syrian Parents outraged by cost of Trips to Disneyland

Syrian parents took to social media yesterday in support of Jon Platt, the British father who the Supreme Court deemed to have broken the law by taking his daughter to DisneyLand during term time. “It...
Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime numbers. A prime number is a number that can only be...
ISIS

Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror

In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding changes to schools in England. "Our education policy sub-committee has...

World book day sparked hate incident

An unfortunate faux pas occurred yesterday at St Timothy's primary school in Rochdale. Gareth Brown, a year 5 pupil was sent home after arriving at school dressed in full Waffen SS regalia. We contacted Gareth's father, Mr Trevor...
Alf Garnett

Love Thy Neighbour and Till Death do us Part set to get reboots.

The BBC and ITV have both announced this week that they intend reviving certain 'classic' 70's sitcoms because of the current fashion for being a racist bigot. Hilary Patel-Cohen, a BBC spokesgender said, "There's a...

Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”

Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of the Sutton Coldfield Institute of Bullying told the Herald, "What...

Change of fart for Donald

Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'. Traditionally, it has been used as: a term for flatulence a term in the cards game of Bridge a term...

OED announces Word Of The Year

The Oxford English Dictionary announced the winner of their prestigious Word Of The Year competition at a champagne gala ceremony in London's upmarket Neasden Travelodge this afternoon. Twatbasketry, a noun, is defined as 'Pertaining to...

Rochdale discovered to be genius hotspot

Online tests have revealed that the majority of Rochdale residents have above genius IQ levels with the town having an average score of 132. The trend is thought to have been first noticed when 17-year-old...
Schoolgirls wearing hijabs

Community schools plan morning assemblies in Mosques

Community schools are to hold mandatory morning assemblies in Mosques across the borough, it has been announced. Rochdale Council made the announcement earlier today, releasing this statement on their Facebook page: "Times are changing as our...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin! Step 1. Download the following template and...

Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce

A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person could imagine. Not wanting to be left behind Rochdale Council jumped...

People who use buzzwords are officially the worst

In a recent study, B2C professionals came to the conclusion that people who use buzzwords are officially the worst kind of people. At the end of the day the blue sky thinkers were able to...

Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook

Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire network to grind to a halt. "Sadly, we had no choice...

Christmas being killed off by immigration

An in-depth study by Rochdale Community University has found that, due to immigration, by the year 2100 core British traditions such as Christmas may be no more. The festival celebrating the birth of a middle-eastern...

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