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Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop in London’s Kensington High Street, waiting, as Lou Reed so...
Young boy, smiling proudly,  wearing police uniform holding a whistle and a truncheon

Rochdale – Police Given Emergency Powers to “Get Tough” After Bexley Brawl

Following the largest known brawl on the streets of Britain in the post war period, Police have been given extra powers to “get tough” in South East London after a huge fight involving more...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the teeth for old timer Jack Jacobs aka 'Dentures'. One eye witness...

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of vegans rioting. There has been widespread looting in independent fruit and...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army whistleblower Chelsea Manning. Lawyers for Assange have stated that he intends...

Women Still Not Going Down Regularly Enough Say Men

The most recent figures for the UK Prison Population gender gap show men getting sent down at record levels with women going down barely at all. As the number of prisoners hits 126,000 and...

Man Dressed As Batman Chasing Man Dressed As Clown Captured By Man Dressed As...

Rochdale Town Centre, and a man dressed as Batman who has been spotted in the locale chasing a man dressed as a Killer Clown has reportedly been captured by a man dressed as his arch...

Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub

After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal. “It’s obvious innit?” said Terry McPeeder from Kent, “all the evidence...

Golding’s demands to serve term with ‘own people’ granted as prisons full of violent...

Paul Golding's demands to serve his 8 week prison sentence "amongst his own people" have been agreed to because, frankly, British prisons are stuffed full of violent white men in their 40s. Despite the...

Men in Rural England “Shitting Themselves” as Helen Titchener Walks Free

Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic picnic cutlery after the acquittal of Helen Titchener of Ambridge,...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was busily reporting the death of the kumquat-hued POTUS in a...

Is Bradley Wiggins the new Lance Armstrong?

Bradley Wiggins has come under scrutiny this week after it was revealed he'd used performance enhancing drugs to "put him back on a level playing field" with other athletes not using performance enhancing drugs. It...
Police

US Police to offer black suspects running start 

In the wake of a recent spate of police shootings across America in which black motorists, often compliant and unarmed, have been shot by the road side during routine traffic stops a controversial new...

Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

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