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Rochdale, UK

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, will be doing a sponsored spell in prison over the festive season. He'll be asking...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Men in Rural England “Shitting Themselves” as Helen Titchener Walks Free

Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic picnic cutlery after the acquittal of Helen Titchener of Ambridge,...
Burkina

Outrage as women flout Burkini ban on Rochdale beach

Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see...

Julian Assange’s camper van racks up £19,700 in parking fines

The Rochdale Herald can reveal that Julian Assange's camper van has run up £19,700 in parking ticket charges. The van was left on Cadogan Place a few streets away from the Ecuadorian Embassy. Mr Assange who was...

Prison not a muslamic themed holiday camp after all says Paul Golding

Paul Golding, hero of the Free British Peoples and shiny-faced wankpuffin, has told Britain Furst colleagues that it turns out prisons are not "Butlins holiday camps for Pakis" after all. The revelation came as Mr...
Pippa Middleton smiling

Pippa Middleton iCloud Hack Confirms “Will married the right sister”

Following photos released from the hack of Pippa Middleton's i-Cloud account, Prince William's mates have told him "you definitely married the right one mate!" There had been confusion following his wedding day when friends asked...
Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald found dead close to his home

The beloved obesity peddler Ronald McDonald was found dead in the street in the early hours of this morning. The cause of death is unknown but locals believe he was beaten to death due...
Rosie and Jim

Rosie and Jim Seized in Immigration Raid

News is emerging that 1990’s TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European Convention on Human Rights. The TV stars, real names Bratislav...
Angry White Man Daily Mail

Government hires Daily Mail readers to beef up security strategy

Downing Street has announced plans to employ Daily Mail readers as a team of specialist civilian advisers as it steps up efforts to improve security across the UK. In the wake of attacks across...

Police get extra £85 to fund additional 6 minute search for missing school girl

Abigail Walsh was just 7 years old when she went missing from a caravan site, on a family holiday in Blackpool, 10 years ago. Her parents, Mick and Janice, left Abigail and her two siblings;...

Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans

America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the shooter. The tragic news that at least 5 people have been...
Man holding a gun

Mass shootings ‘fact of life’ says only country where mass shootings happen

Ralph H. Ick, head of the Texas branch of the NRA made the shocking statement yesterday after seven children were slain and three were left in a critical condition after a school shooting that...

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