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Rochdale, UK

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office

Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the party today. Current investigations into the alleged attempts to rig Libor...

Ched Evans Discusses Staying Safe In Public Spaces

"Gun and knife crime are serious risks." Ched opens the first in a serious of new public safety videos developed by "Don't Know Thyself Productions." Standing in front of a bathroom mirror, towel tastefully tied at...

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great career prospects, went to an expensive school and are really...
Chainsaw Surgeon

Rochdale man caught speeding forced to sell kidney to pay fine

Plumber, John Thomason of Norden was caught doing 42 on Edenfield Road, which has a limit of 40 on that stretch. He has been fined £1200 under the new driving penalties rules. "My transit van is 20...
video

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub

After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal. “It’s obvious innit?” said Terry McPeeder from Kent, “all the evidence...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several passengers watched him drink a whole mug of tea without...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...
School class

AMERICANS! How to maximize media outrage over your kid’s devastating school-murder. – Rochdale Herald...

In the not too distant past, school shootings were the stuff of tabloid dreams, but in a post Sandy Hook world, the circumstances of your child’s death could leave them, and you, gasping for...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...
Man holding a gun

America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...

Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from Milwaukee, was live streaming himself closing his store for the...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...
Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt victim of cruel nominative determinism sting operation

?UK health secretary Jeremy Hunt has fallen victim to a cruel nominative determinism sting operation perpetrated by an East European cockney rhyming slang gang, a spokesman for Scotland Yard revealed in a press conference...
ISIS

Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror

In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding changes to schools in England. "Our education policy sub-committee has...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was busily reporting the death of the kumquat-hued POTUS in a...

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