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Rochdale, UK

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of vegans rioting. There has been widespread looting in independent fruit and...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop in London’s Kensington High Street, waiting, as Lou Reed so...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the teeth for old timer Jack Jacobs aka 'Dentures'. One eye witness...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army whistleblower Chelsea Manning. Lawyers for Assange have stated that he intends...

Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career

Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday. West Midlands Police have said the Home Secretary's speech to last year's Conservative Party conference...

Prince Philip branded ‘Sex Pest’ by High Court

The High Court has this week ruled in favour of Sleeping Beauty, and handed a jail sentence to Prince Philip. Prince Philip began his prison sentence this morning, and has also been placed on the...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Paul Golding Christmas Carol

Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think it's funny The Rochdale Herald sponsored me And are collecting lots of...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten off with a premium sex toy. The attacker forced his way...

Golding’s demands to serve term with ‘own people’ granted as prisons full of violent...

Paul Golding's demands to serve his 8 week prison sentence "amongst his own people" have been agreed to because, frankly, British prisons are stuffed full of violent white men in their 40s. Despite the...

Prison not a muslamic themed holiday camp after all says Paul Golding

Paul Golding, hero of the Free British Peoples and shiny-faced wankpuffin, has told Britain Furst colleagues that it turns out prisons are not "Butlins holiday camps for Pakis" after all. The revelation came as Mr...

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, will be doing a sponsored spell in prison over the festive season. He'll be asking...

NYPD Target Leprechaun Community After $1m Bucket of Gold Stolen

NYPD are looking for a thief who managed to carry an 86lb (36kg) bucket of gold flakes worth $1.6m (£1.2m) off a truck in New York.  Surveillance video showed the theft happened in just 20...

5000 American tourists arrested for ‘hostile reconnaissance’.

The Metropolitan Police Hostile Reconnaissance Unit has arrested more than 5,000 American tourists in the last two days.
Ancient text

Daily Mail claim Koran found propping up wobbly table leg in Thomas Mair’s kitchen

In a shocking turn of events, the Daily Mail have claimed police forensics have revealed to them that during the investigation into Thomas Mair they recovered a mysterious foreign book at the house of...

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