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God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub

After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal. “It’s obvious innit?” said Terry McPeeder from Kent, “all the evidence...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several passengers watched him drink a whole mug of tea without...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...
School class

AMERICANS! How to maximize media outrage over your kid’s devastating school-murder. – Rochdale Herald...

In the not too distant past, school shootings were the stuff of tabloid dreams, but in a post Sandy Hook world, the circumstances of your child’s death could leave them, and you, gasping for...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...
Man holding a gun

America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...

Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from Milwaukee, was live streaming himself closing his store for the...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...
Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt victim of cruel nominative determinism sting operation

?UK health secretary Jeremy Hunt has fallen victim to a cruel nominative determinism sting operation perpetrated by an East European cockney rhyming slang gang, a spokesman for Scotland Yard revealed in a press conference...
ISIS

Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror

In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding changes to schools in England. "Our education policy sub-committee has...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was busily reporting the death of the kumquat-hued POTUS in a...

Police get extra £85 to fund additional 6 minute search for missing school girl

Abigail Walsh was just 7 years old when she went missing from a caravan site, on a family holiday in Blackpool, 10 years ago. Her parents, Mick and Janice, left Abigail and her two siblings;...

Donald Trump signs Executive Order Banning Entry of Toddlers into USA

After being alerted to the shockingly high number of deaths caused by toddlers shooting their parents, President Trump signed the legally binding order yesterday that prevents all children under four from entering the United States, "Until...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...

Cocaine price plummets after death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson

The National Crime Agency has warned MP's that the Class A drug is 'set to flood the market' after the untimely death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson. A spokesman said; "Sales of the Class A drug are...

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