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Government To Implement National Treasure Preservation Scheme

Downing Street has just announced that it intends to implement a ‘National Treasure’ preservation scheme, in a bid to avoid any further British legends dying before the end of 2016.  Following an emergency COBRA meeting...

Melania Trump reveals her favourite iPod Playlist

In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald the former Eastern European 'model' and wife of President Elect Donald Trump revealed her favourite iPod playlist.

Debbie Reynolds Posthumously Wins 2016’s Most Competitive Mum Award

A bad week for the Reynolds family ended on a high note today as mother Debbie was posthumously awarded the Virgin Mary Award for competitive mums. The award was named after the original celebrity upstager...
kitten

Purrverted Cliff Richard raped my cat

A woman has come forward claiming Sir Cliff Richard raped her cat while staying at her family home in Heywood. The fresh accusations will come as a blow to the worn-out pop legend, who was only...

Darth Vader Faces CSA Action for Non Payment of Child Support

Darth Vader is facing a catastrophic attachment to earnings over claims of non-payment of child support. The alleged offense occurred a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. However, CSA officials pounced when Mr...
Emma watson

Emma Watson ridiculed by mysoginistic pig of journalist at The Sun

A tragic, privileged, middle-class man wrote a vile 'article' today about Emma Watson, an extremely clever young lady, after she made a very impressive speech to the UN in New York.  Emma Watson was in...

Evans Above

Carrot topped car enthusiast Chris Evans has quit Top Gear after just five shows, stating 'I gave it my best shot but sometimes that just isn't enough'. Chris jumped ship on the failing BBC...
Jason Manford

Jason Manford Kicks Aid Worker from Wall

In a move that is sure to delight anti-refugee groups throughout the country, the once amusing Northern 'comedian', Jason Manford shockingly kicked an aid worker from a wall today. The incident happened when Herald journalist,...
Martin Roberts

Martin Roberts Demands Recount.

Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. Roberts, the celebrity...

Britain First Dates

After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding being sent to prison called 'Britain First Dates'. The show will...

Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery

With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that had been mysteriously lodged in Jimmy Carr's windpipe for years. One...
Pudsey bear

Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live

The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic  this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need stalwart Pudsey Bear, who was sensationally arrested on fraud charges...

Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”

A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far loosely famous people can debase themselves for money.  The competition tests...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...
Rick Astley

Rick Astley gives up turns around and deserts you

The 80's smash hit superstar and naughties annoying meme, Rick Astley, is hanging up his mic once and for all. After the the shock death of his arch nemesis George Michael and general 2016 shittyness,...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the...

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