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Ed Balls

Happy Ed Balls Day

You know that feeling: the kids rush into your room at some ungodly morning hour and excitedly demand to know, “Has he been? Has he? Has he been?” Yes, once again it's Ed Balls day! It's...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Speculation had run rife that, having been born of a well-known virgin, pint-sized Josh was almost certainly the...

Hopkins’ lobotomy was cosmetic surgery, doctors reveal

Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today. Originally described as a procedure to address severe epileptic seizures, Dr. Brian M. Bolism of the Department...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...

That famous bloke from that thing has died, aged 86

That guy from that thing, you know the thing, the thing with the other guy that died, has passed away following a long battle with something. Tributes have been pouring in from people all over...
Michael McIntyre

Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future

The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational routines. Deputy Director General Sir Vincent Cost said that, as they...
Lenny Henry

Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...

James Corden to star in Paul Nuttall biopic

International media sensation, corpulent bearded sex symbol and father of the year, James Corden is to take the starring role in a planned new film of the life of UKIP leader and by-election failure...
Katie Hopkins

Court sentences Katie Hopkins to be burned at the stake as a witch

In a shock move Friday, a UK libel court has ordered that controversial Daily Mail colonist and professional bigot, Katie Hopkins be burned at the stake as a witch. Hopkins was in court facing an...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to swim the Channel underwater (he did it for a bet...

Nuttall Claims Best Actor At Oscars

Armenian born British Actor Constantine Felangi, better known by his stage name of Paul Nuttall, seized the coveted golden statue for Best Actor at the Oscars last night. The award, given for Nuttall's provocative portrayal...

Trump Introduces 2020 Presidential Campaign Mascot

President Trump took to the stage in Nuremberg, Florida, on Saturday in front of a crowd seen from space, to unveil his mascot for the 2020 presidential campaign. "He's called Dumpy!" President Trump beamed, as...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan to be face of ‘Free The Ballbag’ campaign

Piers Morgan has been revealed as the new face of men's rights campaign 'Free the Ballbag'. Inspired by the feminist 'Free The Nipple' movement, the campaign aims to fight against what it calls a 'vaginocentric...

Colombia fears double dip recession following death of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

Government officials in Colombia have issued warnings of a double dip recession following the death of former "it girl" Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Former socialite and darling of the tabloids Palmer-Tomkinson was found dead in her...

Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery

With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that had been mysteriously lodged in Jimmy Carr's windpipe for years. One...

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