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Trump receives three day Twitter ban for criticising Khan

President Trump had been slapped silent with a three day ban from Twitter. The reprimand is a result of Trump attempting to make political capital out of the terrorist atrocity in London Saturday last. He has...

Corbyn to star in Snatch sequel as Brad Pitt not mad enough

Amateur street fighter and leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy 'The Knitter' Corbyn, has been cast as Mickey O'Neil in the sequel to Guy Ritchie's smash hit "Snatch". The sequel will be called "Snatch...

Frankie Boyle Taken Into Custody Because Of Donald Trump

Scottish social commentator and insult auteur Frankie Boyle has been taken into custody under legislation usually reserved for times of war. The government has taken this extraordinary measure in order to force production of expletives as reserves...
John Noakes

John Noakes to be buried in coffin he made earlier

The late John Noakes, it has been revealed, made his own coffin in preparation for his death. Exactly when he did this is not known, it’s only known that he made it earlier. It’s well...
Roger Moore

Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…

In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...
pippa

Pippa’s lovely bottom gets married

Pippa Middleton's lovely bottom has today got married. The bottom shot to fame in 2011 when it turned up at Prince William's wedding and stole the show. As ever with high profile weddings the outfits have led...
pippa

Pippa Middleton topless photos break internet

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter blow last night; local internet subscribers were left floundering in...
Noel Edmonds

Man who says negativity causes cancer sues HBOS for fraud

A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he is suing HBOS for fraud. The presenter who made the comments also...
video

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Farage delighted to be named UK’s top racist

Following numerous occasions where he was always the bridesmaid, Nigel Farage is now delighted to be at the top of his tree in his chosen field. After the announcement that Prince Philip has retired from...
David Cameron Shed

David Cameron disappointed history will not judge him by his shed

David Cameron was seen seeking the comfort of his many inherited bank accounts this afternoon after a wounding and very personal setback. The event appears to have been the discovery that history will not judge...
Ed Balls

Happy Ed Balls Day

You know that feeling: the kids rush into your room at some ungodly morning hour and excitedly demand to know, “Has he been? Has he? Has he been?” Yes, once again it's Ed Balls day! It's...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Speculation had run rife that, having been born of a well-known virgin, pint-sized Josh was almost certainly the...

Hopkins’ lobotomy was cosmetic surgery, doctors reveal

Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today. Originally described as a procedure to address severe epileptic seizures, Dr. Brian M. Bolism of the Department...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...

That famous bloke from that thing has died, aged 86

That guy from that thing, you know the thing, the thing with the other guy that died, has passed away following a long battle with something. Tributes have been pouring in from people all over...

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