IKEA announce new post Brexit home-ware range

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Swedish furniture and home-ware giant IKEA have announced that it plans tolaunch a new range of "post Brexit furniture and home-ware" to suit the depleted pockets of the post Brexit British public. Speaking to the...
Knickersw with Trump written on them

Get your hands out of Ivanka’s knickers, White House orders media

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  White House press secretary Sean "Ginger" Spicer has issued an ultimatum to the US media in the wake of the growing row over the lingerie line belonging to President Trump's daughter Ivanka. Spicegirl accused the...

Heck release new range of Boris Johnson porky pies

Sausage giant Heck has hosted giant sausage Boris Johnson at their Yorkshire factory for the unveiling of their latest new product. The Boris Johnson Heck Porky Pie looks like a pie but is in fact...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

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The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7. The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple...

Thomas Cook passengers choosing ride share with refugees rather than Ryanair

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Thomas Cook, one of the world's oldest travel providers has gone into liquidation, meaning thousands of job losses and over a hundred thousand holidays cancelled with British citizens already on holiday stranded. Keith Entwistle of...
Vegan woman

Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes

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Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of England's new £5 notes. 'Tallowgate l', as it became known, sparked...

LIDL opens second till

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As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till. Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of opening till number 3 at our store in Corby. The...

Rochdale Toddler Softplay Centre to rebrand as Dante’s Seventh Circle of Hell

It's rumoured the world famous café and toddler soft play centre Tumble Tots in Rochdale will shortly be rebranding as Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. The move follows detailed discussions with a local advertising agency,...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

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Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Shop selling stuff people don’t buy goes into administration, again

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People in Rochdale have been speaking of the shock at discovering HMV has collapsed again. Many thought it had gone bust years ago. Stan Still told us, "I heard the news this morning. I...
Money

Nigerian Prince perplexed no one wants free money

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Prince Terry Ojukwu III, of Nigeria, recently ran into financial difficulties when his bank fell into administration, leaving him just 24 hours to withdraw his money. However, because of the vast sum in his account,...
McDonald's

Mcdonalds to stop giving away assault rifles in Happy Meals in some US states

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Four states in America have stopped giving away free assault rifles with every Happy Meal deal as a direct response to KFC banning knives in boxes of chicken in the UK. Denver West McDonald's Store...
Survivor

Last PPI claimant found alive and well

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The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive.  After years of searching by PPI claims companies the lone man, Nigel Colinson,...
refrigerator

Sales of refrigerators tumble due to British Gas price hike

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This week brought the news that British Gas are set to raise their prices again, effecting millions of loyal customers. This move will likely see many poor and vulnerable homeowners left with difficult choices, as...

“I Can’t Wipe My Arse With New £Fiver” Say Tory Chair Lord Bastard

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New Prime Minister Teresa May has had a sensational bust-up with party Chairman - Lord Bastard of Hubris - over the new £5 note. Sources close to the PM say that Lord Bastard burst...

RBS announces plan to rebrand as The Money Pit

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The Royal Bank of Scotland has today announced losses of 7 billion pounds in the fiscal year of 2016. The Bank has been running at a loss of several billion a year since the global...

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