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Rochdale, UK

Party that chose most hated candidate in history wondering how it lost

The Democratic Party is today asking “How could this happen?” after they fielded the most hated politician in American history to be their candidate. “We honestly thought that Hillary- who’s George Herbert Bush but with...
Trudeau

Trudeau Promises Canadian Citizens A Wall. ‘U.S. Will Pay’

Canadian Premier Justin Trudeau reacted to the news of Donald Trump's election as US President by announcing plans for a wall to be built along the US/Canadian border.  "While we are the most hospitable of...
dolphins

Dolphins disappear across the globe as Trump Inauguration looms

Oceans across the globe are feeling decidedly odd today after the entire planet's population of porpoises and dolphins completely and utterly disappeared overnight. "I really can't understand it," said Oceanographer at Florida's famous Sea World,...

Cry me a river Jordan

Katie price has emotionally revealed that's she's still too upset to talk about her 6th husband Kieran Hayler, and his affair with Jane Pountney. Katie, holding back tears, said: "It's all still too raw and I...
Paramedics transporting Nigel Farage to the ambulance

Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting

Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find biggest twat

Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon cameo actor will spend the next 10 weeks firing people...

Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

Republican outrage that 6 year old shooting victim sent to school unarmed

There was outrage within the US Gun lobby today after a six year old was shot and killed by a fourteen year old at an elementary school in Carolina. The NRA were quick to lay...
Emma watson

Emma Watson ridiculed by mysoginistic pig of journalist at The Sun

A tragic, privileged, middle-class man wrote a vile 'article' today about Emma Watson, an extremely clever young lady, after she made a very impressive speech to the UN in New York.  Emma Watson was in...
Pippa Middleton smiling

Pippa Middleton iCloud Hack Confirms “Will married the right sister”

Following photos released from the hack of Pippa Middleton's i-Cloud account, Prince William's mates have told him "you definitely married the right one mate!" There had been confusion following his wedding day when friends asked...
Yahoo website under a magnifying glass

People still use Yahoo!

The world was rocked yesterday when 90's internet sensation Yahoo hit the news for the first time in almost 15 years. News Outlets around the world alleged that Yahoo has 500 Million customers, which came...

Special place in hell for people who put kisses on Facebook comments 

An ancient Biblical commandment that has been left out of Bibles and Torah for thousands of years has finally been translated.  Archeolinguist Barry Wordsworth told us: "Thescroll has been resisting translation throughout history because it...

Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader

Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel Farage. "It's going to be Nigel" said Arthur Brane, Chairman ...

Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook

Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire network to grind to a halt. "Sadly, we had no choice...

Meat eater scrolls past post about vegetarianism and veganism without commenting

A man, a manly man, a red-blooded meat-eating man, scrolled past a post on eating non-animal products today and thought 'Meh, live and let live,' and thus broke the internet. Harrison Hunter apologised later and...

Christmas being killed off by immigration

An in-depth study by Rochdale Community University has found that, due to immigration, by the year 2100 core British traditions such as Christmas may be no more. The festival celebrating the birth of a middle-eastern...

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