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Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn rules out coalition with Labour MPs

Jeremy Corbyn took the bold move today to rule out a coalition with SNP, The Greens, The Liberal Democrats and any of the politicians in The Labour Party. Talking to the Labour NEC he began by ruling out a coalition...
Corbyn

Corbyn says we’re going to build a wall and Sturgeon is keen to pay...

Communist rabble-rouser and socialist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, today announced the central plank of his party's manifesto pledge will be to build a wall between England and the Civilised World. While Theresa May has been standing in...

Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians

A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse, say local Indians. Morning Dew Gojiflower, (not her real name, which...

Rochdale man who’s never voted pledges to ‘bring down Torie scum’ by voting Green

Gareth Thundlestick from Scumsunk crescent, Rochdale, said he became politically active after ruining the suspension on his 1986 Ford Capri whilst negotiating a pothole too fast. "That was the final straw, it done it for me." He...
Elton John

Being a Liberal Democrat is not a sin claims Elton John

The ageing singer and renowned diva famous for her tantrums, Mariah Carey, asked Elton John about his views on the struggling political party at a celebrity bash in London, The Herald can exclusively reveal. The...
Corbyn

Corbyn reveals election strategy, if I ignore it it’ll get better

As Theresa May surprised the country by announcing a snap election supposed Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn was nowhere to be found. Only hours later  the Obi-wan Kenobi lookalike was found facing the wall in...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...
Popularity Contest

It’s not a popularity contest, really unpopular MP tells voters

An extremely unpopular MP has just informed voters that the upcoming general election is not a popularity contest. The MP addressed the crowd and urged them not to vote based on which party or which...
Smiling Liam Fox

Liam Fox Announces Trade Deal With Iraq

Liam Fox, Secretary of State For International Trade, has followed up the success of his charm offensive with Duterte, the leader of the Philippines so in love with summary execution. Speaking from the west of...
Tim Farron

Party that said it would only form coalition with Tories confused why people think...

That bloke in charge of the Liberal Democrats and Vince Cable are confused today as people keep calling them Tory lite. “We’re totally against Brexit,” explained Cable, “SO how can we be anything like the...
Arsene Wenger

Corbyn hires Arsene Wenger as Labour Manager

It appears that politics will see a tornado of excitement and enthusiasm as Jeremy Corbyn is planning to bring in the current Arsenal manager to boost his election team. Despite the full backing of Arsenal...

Obviously you should agree with me, it’s 2017 say progressives, obviously

People across the nation are up in arms that other people don’t apparently realise that it’s the current year. “It’s 2017,” said Faye Zbuk-Warrior,” I can’t believe people are still having opinions that differ from...
Stickupthearseitis

Stickupthearseitis

A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections. “I have suffered...

Jeremy Corbyn confirmed as contestant for Strictly Come Dancing 2017

It's shaping up to be another great year for Strictly Come Dancing as yet another political star is confirmed on the line up to strut his stuff on the hallowed boards when the show...
Bashar-al-Assad

Shock poll puts Bashar Assad ahead of May and other UK party leaders

The first opinion poll conducted since Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap general election for June 8th has delivered a shock result. A staggering 56% of the 1,478 people polled by UK polling agency...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...

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