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Telegraph journalist executes her integrity with call to murder politician

Sane people all over the country were horrified, but largely unsurprised, that right-wing publication the Daily Telegraph had called for a political leader to be unlawfully killed. The offensive, rabble-rousing article was written by...

Part time Internet liberals mistake disagreeing with stuff with being offended scientist proves

Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don't know their arses from their elbows.

Police Commissioner Confirms Police To Desist From Arresting People Doing Nothing Wrong

South Yorkshire Police Commissioner Adam Spillings went on record today as saying his force would no longer be arresting tree campaigners for doing nothing wrong 'under trade union law or any other law'. He...

Donald Trump’s Golf Partner Outraged at Sexist Muirfield

Rory McIlroy, who plays golf with a man who openly questioned Hilary Clinton's ability to sexually satisfy her husband, has continued his criticism of Muirfield despite the club voting to admit women members. "I still...

Nationalism only good if you’re not Scottish, say nationalists who aren’t Scottish

Nationalists across England are up in arms at the suggestion that Scotland might have a referendum to leave the UK and become an independent nation. “Nationalism is a stupid idea,” says Alfred Hilter, a Surrey...

Thousands of Americans in hospital after attempting microwave selfies…

Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway’s assertion that microwaves can ‘turn into cameras’ has led to thousands of Americans winding up in hospital after putting their heads into microwave ovens in an attempt to take selfies. Conway...

Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer

Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world, rather than the literal one. “All these things, elections, accusations, tweets, policy...

Khan To Rebuild Wall

Sadiq Khan, flanked by millions of people of various ethnic backgrounds who by and large couldn't give a flying shit where each other is from, and when they do it's usually innocent curiosity rather...

Sturgeon triggers IndyRef 2 after house lands on sister

Nicola Sturgeon sensationally called for an independence referendum after a house came seemingly from nowhere and landed on her sister. Speaking through an interpreter she said to Theresa May "I'll get you my pretty! You...

Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote

UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50. Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

David Cameron to star in remake of Max Headroom

David Cameron is to take the lead role in a remake of cult 80's sci-fi film and TV show, Max Headroom sources close to the ex prime minister have confirmed. Cameron, whose political career ended...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...
Liam Fox

I’ve never even heard of Liam Fox says Liam Fox

Conservative MP, Secretary of State for International Trade and President of the Board of Trade, Dr Liam Fox, has issued a blanket denial that he is actually Dr Liam Fox, as had previously been...

Police get extra £85 to fund additional 6 minute search for missing school girl

Abigail Walsh was just 7 years old when she went missing from a caravan site, on a family holiday in Blackpool, 10 years ago. Her parents, Mick and Janice, left Abigail and her two siblings;...

Sturgeon Calls for Scots Independence to save British Lions Tour

Nicola Sturgeon has called for IndyRef2 to be brought forward to save the British Lions Tour to New Zealand. Speaking in the aftermath of Scotland's 61:21 tubbing at the hands of England Ms Sturgeon said; "It...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Coal prices spike on news of Katy Hopkins’ incineration

International coal prices have jumped to $120 a tonne, their highest since 2011, following news that a British court has sentenced Daily Mail columnist and professional right wing bigot, Katy Hopkins to be burned...

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